Have you ever been told you're complicated? You're too independent? You're not confident enough? You don't fit the profile of a "normal" woman? You're too high-maintenance? Have you ever felt misunderstood? Have you ever felt like you're not enough? Like you're a "difficult woman"?
Have you ever heard of a man being called "difficult"? That's not a common term that you hear of. Women have been given the label "difficult" due to the perception of outsiders and men. No matter how hard we try, we cannot change this perception or escape it.
Multiple things are demeaned as "difficult" when it comes to a woman. For instance, being emotional or having PMS. Women are supposed to be strong and powerful, but yet also emotional and caring. When we're too powerful and forceful, we're considered bull-headed or too independent, even challenging.
Men don't like it when we don't need them or when we can stand on our own without batting an eye. On the other hand, if we're too emotional and caring, we're weak and needy.
There's no happy medium.
Another example has to do with sexuality. As a woman, you are expected to please a man even if you don't want to. This topic has never been on an even playing field, especially for women. If a woman doesn't please her partner, she's considered prude. If she's pleasing too many men, she is slut-shamed and made fun of.
But if a man is conducting sexual acts with a lot of girls, he's applauded by his male friends and is considered more masculine. Why the double standard? Why are men applauded and women called names for doing the same act?
Being called a "difficult woman" is even portrayed in marriage and motherhood. Women are expected to get married. It is weird and wrong if they want to live a life without a partner. They are also expected to have children. Furthermore, they are expected to love those children with everything they have and to be utterly happy with their life as a mom. What if motherhood isn't for them? What if they struggle with being a mother?
They are considered "difficult" once again.
Every woman at some time or another deals with these issues in their life. Roxane Gay wrote a book in 2017 called "Difficult Women." It's a collection of short stories and a part of it lists the different types of difficult women. It isn't hard to find similar qualities in yourself and the women Gay explains or to feel a connection with them.
Know that if you answered yes to any of the questions stated at the beginning of this article, you're not alone. Not even close. This is, unfortunately, something that women have to deal with and put up with within society, with our partners, and even family.
