A Different Breed of Belonging

A Different Breed of Belonging

This starts out pretty narcissistic and ends very sadly.

I am very unique. So unique, in fact, that I don't feel as though I belong to any one group.

In all aspects of life, I've always felt like I'm a slightly different breed of person compared to my peers. I've always been the "laid-back professional" guy, or a "too formal at a casual party" person. I'm a little too smart for dumb people but too dumb for smart people. A villian with a warm heart, or a hero with a cold one. It's as though, either by subconscious choice or a natural inclination, I'm incapable of just being a regular, stock character. There always has to be some defining quirk that makes me, me.

This innate desire to stand out, I believe, makes it difficult for me to find a place to fit in. It's a frustrating thing, to almost be part of something, but being just different enough that it doesn't feel right to identify as that thing. All throughout life, I've been told to find a place to fit in and have seen people constantly finding a place to call their own. From the first group of friends you made in kindergarten to the current social life (or lack thereof) you have now, we've all wanted a place to belong. In order to belong, we have to have a degree of similarity with the group we seek to join, and the more similarities we share the strong our bond. It's similar to what we look for in potential partners: we're attracted to what's similar and familiar because it appeals to us. In the dating game, we often try to probe and find out what the other person likes and is passionate about, then attack at that point in order to make us seem acceptable. However, we can't be too similar. Having a partner that's exactly the same as you are gets stale, boring, and frustrating after a while. A team full of similarly minded people will never grow, and a country completely in unison will never challenge itself to grow better.

This intricate dance between sameness and difference is a fragile one, and its not uncommon to see a single difference be the deciding factor in finding your group or being lost in thoughts, all alone. this difference could be anything, from a direct clash of ideals to a varying degree of intensity or ability. It's kind of like a developing violinist. In the early stages, they can play the violin, but aren't good enough to be a violinist.

I enjoy playing games, but I've never considered myself a gamer. My blood is Filipino, but I dont really feel too close with the Filipino community wherever I go. Helping people is something I like to do, be it with some physical task or a more serious life talk, but community service and being a professional counselor have never been my thing. I don't have a strong political preference, I'm a funny guy but not funny enough to be a comedian, a piano player but not enough skill to be pianist, a guy that can do martial arts but not good enough to be a martial artist.

Not enough. Not being enough is something that every single person that has ever existed has felt. So many times do I and many others feel like what we're doing and giving to the world is not enough, yet we're too afraid to call out and tell people that "I need help!" We hold back our desire to ask for assistance because we don't want to accept that, even at our best, we aren't up to par. Reaching out for a crutch is synonymous in our society with failure, or being a failure, and we've been conditioned to avoid this feeling like the plague. Yet avoiding failure is impossible. No matter how much we try, failing something is inevitable. The only way to avoid it is to not try at all, but in that case you've already lost.

Usually I like to end these articles with my take on a solution or philosophical food for thought, but in this scenario i find myself with a lack of comment. I myself have no solution or even a place to start thinking. It's a rather curious sensation, not having words when you usually have a thousand is both humbling and terrifying. So I turn the question to you, my reader: How does one handle or cope with not being enough? How should we react when faced with a goal that seems infinitely far, or being told by our peers that its foolish to pursue that dream? What do we do when we're at the crossroads of "should" and "must"?

Ooh, that's an article for another day.

Cover Image Credit: Quotesgram

Popular Right Now

35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."

Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."

3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."

4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.

"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.

“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. ...so are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.

Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."

25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.

"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."

30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.

"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"

32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."

34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."

35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

4 Of The Best HBO Documentaries Currently Streaming

If you're ready to sit back, put your feet up, and enjoy a top notch documentary, this list is for you.


Sometimes the mood strikes to watch a good documentary. Lucky for you, I've rounded up the 4 best documentaries that you can currently stream or watch on HBO!

If you're ready to sit back, put your feet up, and enjoy a top notch documentary, this list is for you:

1. "The Jinx"

This 6-part documentary produced by HBO will captivate you from the start and keep you on the edge of your seat until the very end. Robert Durst was and has been accused of a number of crimes, and the creators of this documentary delve into the witnesses and evidence while continually interviewing Durst himself. Watch until the groundbreaking end -- you won't regret it.

2. "Jane Fonda In Five Acts"

Jane Fonda is a famous actress, fitness tycoon, humanitarian, activist, +and all around bad ass. This woman has lived almost all of her life in the spotlight and has experienced more than a few ups and downs. This documentary dives into her life, marriages, transformations, and controversies -- and doesn't hold anything back. Endorsed by Fonda herself, you'll absolutely want to learn more about her fascinating life and how she's managed to navigate her incredible journey.

3. "John McCain: For Whom the Bell Tolls"

Whether or not you agree with John McCain's politics, this documentary is a must-see. This documentary dives into the incredible life of John McCain -- from growing up, his time as a POW in Vietnam, and through his decades of service in the Senate. Through interviews with friends, family, colleagues and McCain himself, you get true insight into what this man has gone through and how his life experiences help shape the humanized view he brings to Congress.

4. "Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind"

Get a look inside the mind, life, career, and comedic genius of the beloved Robin Williams by watching this documentary. Williams was a comedic force and loved by all those who consumed his work and had the pleasure of working alongside him. This documentary is narrated mostly by Williams himself and dives into never-before-seen footage spread throughout his career. If you're a fan of Robin Williams or have enjoyed any of his comedy, you'll love this film.

Related Content

Facebook Comments