I’ve never said the words “I am a conservative.” I have never said them because they aren’t true, and they never really have been. I’m pretty liberal on most issues, sometimes middle of the road, and rarely but occasionally to the right of the dividing line. It occurred to me when I sat down to write this week that there are more than a few people who might believe I am a conservative because they’ve never heard me say otherwise, and that is by my own design.

Growing up, I learned not to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table. It isn’t nice. It breeds conflict. It makes our guests uncomfortable. So, when my very loving, very supportive, and very conservative extended family came to visit, I smiled and nodded, and changed the subject.

I sat down this week to talk about Donald Trump’s most recent hateful and disgusting revelation, the danger he poses to the American political system, the degradation he has on the quality of rhetoric on the pertinent issues.

About a sentence into that article, I realized that it wouldn’t be complete strangers reading my work. It would also be my very loving, very supportive, and very conservative extended family, some of whom still support Trump. And I immediately chickened out because their approval means something to me. In any other circumstance, I’d find it easy to dismiss the approval of a Trump supporter. But this is my family. These are people I love. And most of all, these are people whom I know in my heart of heart to be good people, even if they believe things that I vehemently disagree with.

When I decide that my extended family is made up of good people, I am looking at their actions, not their professed beliefs. That seems easy and natural to me because these are people I have grown up with. Somehow, I don’t extend that courtesy to most people. I, like many liberal millennials, dismiss Trump supporters as terrible people because of their ideologies, and not because of their actions.

Now, I don’t mean to excuse the acts of racism, sexism, and bigotry that have tended to accompany Trump’s following. I find them intolerable. However, there is a difference between disliking someone for acting in ways I disagree with and disliking someone for believing in ways that I disagree with. A good person can’t possibly be determined by beliefs alone; frequently, our actions and our beliefs are at odds with one another.

Is my status as a “good” person contingent upon my liberal-ness? My Catholic-ness? Is it demeaned by my lack of conservative-ness or Baptist-ness? Would it be any different if I were Muslim or Pagan? Communistic or anarchic?

In an ideal world, I’d like to believe that I am a good person and that my religious or political leanings have no bearing on that. Unfortunately, there are moral implications associated with being Catholic, Baptist, Pagan, Muslim, Liberal, Conservative, Communistic, or Anarchic, as is the case with a whole host of other identities. Not only that, but when faced with a moral decision, I draw from my beliefs as a liberal Catholic, just as my grandfather might make moral choices based on being a conservative Baptist. The funny thing is, when it comes down to how to treat other people, my grandfather and I will frequently end up on the same page, despite professing wildly different political and religious beliefs.

I am disgusted by the professed beliefs of my Trump-supporting family members, but I am inspired by their actions. They may be repulsed by my left wing evangelism, but I hope my behavior influences how they view me more than my ideology. The actions of my family members have told me that they are motivated by something that transcends their political or religious affiliations. Their actions have told me that they are good people who love deeply. I hope beyond hope that my actions tell them the same things.

So, to my family when they read this article, and to all families that are raising children who think differently than you do, know that, although my means might divulge from yours, our end goal is the same. Know that we are still a loving family, despite believing different things.

In that, I hope we can find some semblance of unity, even when we are deeply hurt or offended; even when we are faced with people as dangerous and divisive as Mr. Trump. I hope we can learn to be more consistent in our beliefs and our actions. Most of all, I hope that everyone gets to have family members or friends that are as simultaneously supportive and controversial as the ones I have.