Thank You For Falling Out Of Love With Me

Thank You For Falling Out Of Love With Me

You didn't love me like a child, and that's OK.
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To the boy who broke my heart,

I want to thank you so much for doing what you did.

Thank you for blatantly ignoring me, especially when I needed you the most. Thank you for canceling our plans nearly every weekend at the last possible minute. Thank you for lying to me about your thoughts and feelings pertaining to "us." Thank you for not making an effort to understand my struggles or to lift my spirits when I was going through a rough patch in my life.

I really appreciate how you left me at the time in my life where I really needed a support system. You were more than a significant other to me. You were much more than a Facebook status or an Instagram picture. You were a shoulder to cry on. Someone to talk to when the demons dancing through my mind kept me up at night.

Thank you for saying how much you loved me, but I'd like to thank you even more for teaching me what the word really means. Thank you for helping me find my true friends because they were here for me when you weren't.

I look back on the nights where we talked about the future. I am a person who generally thinks ahead, fiercely attempting to predict what's next and plan accordingly. Thank you for teaching me to slow down a bit and to savor the present moment. Thank you for showing me your idea of "forever" and helping me find mine.

I went to my young relative's First Holy Communion not long ago, and the topic of the mass related to the potential of such a beautiful world if only adults loved like children do. It made me think of when I went to your family gatherings and when you came to mine. I remember you playing with my cousins just as much as I recall interacting with yours. I'm sure they really appreciated the big kids playing with them. Thank you for welcoming me into your family for the time we were together. I hope you all are doing well.

I remember every time we would go out to eat, and we could never decide on a place. Thank you for showing me some new places I would have never tried otherwise. Furthermore, thank you for the bitter aftertaste that will forever remain deeply engrained on my tongue and in my throat after eating at some of the places we found on a whim, where we made some of our many memories. I can't even look at them sometimes without feeling my heart sink.

I look back at our old photos and think about what could have been. However, I am so fortunate that you didn't love me like a child would. Thank you for breaking my heart. I may have just been a chapter in your story, but you were a volume in my saga. Regardless, I hope I made your story more interesting. You played a major role in mine.

I promise I will tell my kids about you someday, and I will recall our late-night talks with a feeling of reflection in my heart. However, I will also smile and look at the man across the room who loved me in the way you couldn't. Thank you for leaving when you realized we weren't meant to be.

Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for not loving me like we were children. Adults have obligations and responsibilities. I know we both did.

Thank you for taking this wild ride with me. Thank you for making it slightly obvious that you didn't want to kiss me or hold my hand anymore. I feel very lucky to know that I could see where the look of love had left your crystal eyes. Thank you for falling out of love with me.

Most of all, thank you for showing me what I deserve. Thank you for teaching me to be my own hero. Our ship may not have sailed smoothly, but you taught me how to be a captain.

One day, I will find a man that will love me like a child, regardless of the associated obligations and responsibilities, and I wish all the same for you. Just because you couldn't love me that way doesn't mean no one else will.

Cover Image Credit: 1fotonin.com

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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What A Blessing It Is To Have Been Loved By A Grandpa Like You

No one could ever replace your contagious giggle and radiating love.

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To my newest angel in heaven...

Grandpa Norb, I just wanted to write to you to let you know how great it is to be loved by a grandpa like you. With 4 children, 4 children in-law, 10 grandchildren and 9 great-grandchildren, we all know in our different ways your love for us. While you are no longer here, I am certain that you will always be watching over us and in our hearts.

Knowing you for 20 years, I can't imagine feeling more loved. Every holiday gathering started with you wishing a Merry Christmas, no matter the actual holiday. You always welcomed with a hug, and said goodbye with open arms, a kiss on the cheek and a whispered reminder that I am always in your prayers. Even with you no longer with us, I know you'll be watching over and praying for me as I carry on my steps in life.

Like a sunflower, you were always bright and smiling when I saw you. You showed your excitement when I walked in the room and made me feel lucky to be around you and overjoyed to know you just through your smile. You were the patriarch of our wonderful family standing tall and showering us with radiating love and goofiness.

Among us all, you loved Grandma with your whole heart and were married for 68 beautiful years. Watching her say goodbye has been one of the hardest things to see, but completely overpowering, the love you had for each other. As long as I knew you, I don't think I ever saw the two of you apart. The unconditional love that you had and always will feel for each other is one that I envy to have in my own relationships.

As almost two weeks have passed since God brought you to him, this is my goodbye to you. I will never forget the last good day I spent with you and Grandma together. I will think of you when I see yellow sunflowers standing tall and bright, and during thunderstorms as if it is you Grandpa Ray bowling together up in heaven.

I feel incredibly lucky to know you and have been loved by you for 20 of your 94 years, and I will always miss you.

Love,

Blondie.

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