"I regret to inform you that.."

Yeah, I bet you do.

Seeing those words just so plainly inked onto a piece of cheap office paper that kind of smelled like moth balls made a wad of something (???) (ew) grow in the back of my throat. I knew it was coming. I practiced saying those words to myself weeks in advance because I had to prepare for the worst.

My imagination didn't help ease the sting of those words, though.

Back to story time because I LOVE a backstory:

I went to a 4-year university with quite a few scholarships. I goofed off in high school because I never had to study and never had to actually put effort into my work. I went to the university and found that it was exactly like high school. I goofed off and still had a 4.0. I didn't do homework, didn't study yet every test came back with an A on it. Somehow this would catch up to me eventually, right?! Oh, it did.

I transferred and changed my major to nursing. (I changed majors 10 times before that. I'm not exaggerating. I went through 11 majors in my school career.) I transferred to a technical college and assumed that it would be a cake walk. I started working once I got home and split my classes between online and on campus.

I started drowning. I couldn't keep up with my anatomy practical that required me to know every bone, muscle, vein, nerve, and their attachment points. I worked every day and when I got home from school and work, I was dead tired. I'm not making excuses because there are people in the world who work 4 jobs and whatever but really....they are aliens.

I'm not ashamed to say that my grades dropped from what they were but I still maintained an A/B GPA (3.5-3.6). I thought I was doing great given the circumstances. I was working what is legally considered full time in SC, I was a full-time student, I got engaged, we became homeowners, and I was "adulting" at a proficient rate.

My 21st birthday I took my final exams and submitted my application for the Nursing Program.

Fast forward 6 weeks.

I didn't get in. I got the letter and closed myself into the bathroom and cried for a longer time than I wish to admit. I cried until I was sick. I felt like an absolute failure. I felt like all of my work had gone for nothing. All the time I put in was worthless and I was worthless. To be honest, I still feel a little of that. That letter broke me. Only one out of our "squad" got in. One of four. 25%. I can't say I wasn't jealous because I was. She's younger than me and already in the program. The other 75% of our squad is 21-22 years old while the chosen one is 20. I was upset and jealous and I honestly didn't want her to get in but that's selfish and she worked for it. She studied for weeks in advance and she's an amazing girl who is one of my best friends. She will read this and I am sure she will even "heart" it on facebook. She will make an amazing nurse and I fully plan to utilize her note taking skills to my benefit when I start a semester behind her. As for the rejects, many teary-eyed Snapchats took place, one went to the bar, I ate like 25 chicken nuggets and went to sleep.

To The Rejects:

It's going to be okay. We don't suck as much as we thought we did. Come on, only nursing school can make you feel like an absolute failure when you have a 3.0-3.6 GPA. We will get in and we will graduate.

Side Note for encouragement, humor, whatever you wish to take from it.

The Honors director at Francis Marion University put all of his rejection letters on a HUGE display outside of his office. He wrote in red pen all of his commentary and sometimes just large red curse words on each letter... be right back...going to buy a frame for mine.

And this: