Did I laugh too hard at your jokes? Did I make too much eye contact? Or maybe it was the dress I was wearing? I thought that I looked nice, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. I didn’t think the dress was too short or my cleavage was too visible. Was my touching your forearm when you held the door open for me what gave you permission? I thought that you were one of the good guys. You smiled, said all the right things, and you made me feel safe. I thought that I was safe with you. Maybe I had drunk too much that night, but I thought that I was in control.
I guess I should have known better when you complimented me. Or when you told me that I was not like the other girls. I just cannot think of the alarm that should have gone off. I truly did not mean to lead you on. I never knew that my intent to exchange a simple kiss led to groping and groping led to sex. I wish someone would have told me how this all worked. I couldn’t say anything. I wasn't a virgin, so I guess it didn't matter. I froze and maybe my lack of reaction was what made you think it was ok?
Though it is not my mind, these thoughts race through someone’s mind constantly. For some person in the world, they haunted by guilt and memories that no one should have. For many victims of sexual assault, they are blamed for the actions of their attackers. This phenomenon of Rape Culture is too real and too prevalent. And the idea of slut-shaming rears its ugly head too. For those who do not know Rape Culture is a society or environment whose social construct downplays, normalizes, rationalizes, or sometimes even condone sexual abuse. Slut Shaming is the act of judging someone(usually female) for his/her sexual history. It is usual considered to be promiscuous. It makes the survivor constantly question his/her actions and demeanor. I hate when I hear people say, “She/he was asking for it." Am I not allowed to dress or act confidently in myself and in my sexuality without it being seen as an invitation?
For those who blame the person, just know that no amount of skin, cleavage, makeup, or flirting equals the simple word “yes.”
