So, here we are. Just you and me. The genre that keeps my articles from getting more than twenty views. I've never read you, nor have I wanted to. Your kind is just an easy way to get to five hundred words. Evil, that's what you are. You and those listicles. They don't even have to be...wait-

An Open Letter To Listicles

You're the real criminal here. You can be short, so short, and the people will love you! It is as if the writers just use you to get a submission in without really thinking. They'd stoop low enough...hold on-

An Open Letter To Odyssey Writers

YOU! You sit there, in your college dorms, or one-bedroom apartments, watching your Netflix and "Friends", staying up 'til morning classes or sunrise, not wishing to really get to it and write. I pity you...but still-

An Open Letter To Netflix

I know you all too well. You're just there, going, "Buy me. You know you want to." Well, quit it. You're polluting the youth and the adults for that matter. These poor people are glued to your streaming services, and they're just cheap enough for everyone...wait a tick-

An Open Letter To The Economy

Yeah, I didn't forget about you. Why do you have to be so mean to us? We feed you with our tax dollars and you give us high gas prices and even higher food prices, except for bananas, they're always cheap...by the way-

An Open Letter To Bananas

Why do you taste so disgusting? Who said, "Let's make this fruit taste like not a fruit." Last time I checked, fruits taste sweet and good, not like garbage...which naturally-

An Open Letter To Garbage

I'm quite familiar with you. You smell, you rot, and you never disappear. Even when the nice people take you away, you still just end up sitting somewhere, endangering the helpless seagulls...although-

An Open Letter To Seagulls

What's your deal? How come I see you everywhere? It's like, "Hey, the Walmart parking lot is already filled with people, let's add annoying birds that have no business being this far away from the ocean." It's not like I ever go to the ocean. It's too far away...speaking of-

An Open Letter To Distance

Why can't we just be close together? Who decided to make everything spaced out? I like my car and all (his name is Ringo), but I don't like having to put high-priced gas in him and having to drive places far away, especially since I have Netflix at home to watch, and then I have to write articles for Odyssey, and only to compete with listicles...and, oh yeah-

What's your point? Is the point of an open letter to seem less mean? Not to throw a wrench in your hose or whatever, but I was really mean in all of my open letters. Is it possible, none of those letters are open? They feel pretty closed, or is open an adjective for the meaning, not the physical aspect? Yeah, so, there. That's my concise and level-headed open letter to open letters.