Sometimes, your day is going just fine until Edible Arrangements charges you $64.79 for fruit delivery and then hangs up on you. Twice. (I will not be going on another date with Edible Arrangements).

For almost 20 years of my life, I’ve let people walk all over me.

Trample. Strut. With cleats.

And along that way, I’ve learned a valuable lesson that kindness does not necessarily mean meekness all of the time. There is a time to lay yourself down out of love for neighbor, and there is a time to rise up with fists thrashing for love of your own human worth.

I don’t really believe in yelling at people. That’s not productive. I don’t believe in unkindness, although it hurts my heart to say I act unkindly sometimes to the people I love the most. I don’t believe in belittling, or patronizing, or commandeering things that aren’t your business to control. But I do believe in the human self and its ability to recognize when it’s been wronged, and the necessary response of standing up.

It seems somewhat surprising, doesn’t it, that it took so long for someone to figure out that standing up for yourself and being honest about what you deserve is indeed something each of us should be doing.

We’re taught to keep our heads down, to accept things as they are, to be polite. Not that there’s anything wrong with being polite. I love being polite. I’ve been polite my entire life. But I’m really tired of kindness being twisted into a knife that points in my own direction, because that isn’t kindness it all. It is not kind to allow other human beings to walk all over you or anyone else.

It is not kind to be quiet about it. It is not kind to fake a smile when someone hurts you.

It’s a disservice. To both yourself and whoever is hurting you. How will you get the treatment you deserve if you don’t shut down the unacceptable? And how will other people grow if they’re never made to face their mistakes?

I’ve come to a point, within perhaps the past year, that I’ve realized I have often let people in my life treat me quite poorly, let them use me, let things slide that essentially allowed others to do things that took away my own dignity as an individual. And I think I’m done doing that.

I believe in the sanctity of every human being, and that includes my own, and yours too, whoever is reading this. I believe in that for me. I believe in that for you. And I believe that we deserve love and a treatment that aligns with that love and an upholding of dignity and simple respect.

For me, I think that’s really just going to mean kindly calling things out that hurt or disrespect me. Key word: kindly. Other keywords: calling things out. Not letting it go anymore. (Let’s face it, walking that talk is going to be a lot harder than this super strong battle cry I’m currently writing, but I’m very set on treating myself the way I believe God wants me to be treated).

But still being gentle, still being fiery, still being loving, still being me. Just doing the same for myself that I would do for a friend.

Standing up for yourself isn’t rude, or bitchy, or proof that you’re just too sensitive. Standing up for yourself is love. And I highly encourage you to love yourself, and love yourself well. If something needs to be said, say it. If something needs to be done, do it. Sometimes, Mariah Carey is really correct in saying that the hero lies in you.

Stand up for a friend. Stand up for you.