Depression isn't glamorous.
It isn't hugs and kisses. It's not trips to the doctor ending with lollipops and stickers. It's not tweets and instagram posts saying, "today made me so depressed." It's not out in the open.
Depression is in the dark of the night with the lights off. My head buried under the covers. It's trembling bones. It's the puddle of tears on my pillow. Depression is hidden, in fact most people have no idea that I struggle with it.
Depression is a hide and seek match that never ends. That being that happiness keeps looking to defeat the darkness but it seems to be hiding in the most unlikely of places. My depression is held in tears at sleepovers, feeling like the odd one out or the forgotten one, even when I'm not.
My depression is in the mornings after a meltdown, looking at the spots on my face where the tears seem to leave a trail all the way down to my chest. Depression is panic attacks in the middle of classes. Sweating, breathing heavily, and feeling as if you could throw up at any moment.
Depression is journals and journals and journals and journals full of depressing thoughts. Thoughts that I am sure would scare any normal person to death. Most people think that depression is a fluke, that it can be controlled, that I can turn it off and back on.
I wish it were that easy.
I wish I could stop an anxiety attack when I feel one starting. I wish I could hug all of the people that deal with it as much as I do. I wish their was answers as to why I have it and why so many people are afraid to get the treatment they need.
Depression is puffy eyes. It will never be glamourous. It will never be a trend. It will NEVER be a fluke. It is not a weakness to ask for help. It takes so much strength to get help. Depression is real and it sucks. Every second of everyday, it sucks.
It is feeling unloved and unwanted. It is feeling alone and out of place. Depression is your brain lying to you and you not being able to do a single thing about it.
You are loved. You are wanted. You are not alone! You can overcome this. Stay strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
