Depression is a mental illness that I have suffered from for years. I was always sad, negative, irritable towards others, and sleeping for hours. I can remember a time where I used to sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. No one thought much about it, they just assumed it was normal for a teen to sleep the day away. Not me, I didn’t sleep late because I was just a teenager, I slept late because I suffer from depression. I had such a difficult time trying to get up to go to school my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I fell so far behind because I let my depression take over.
I am currently a sophomore in college struggling more than ever. Depression differs for every person who experiences it. Personally, I have the hardest time getting out of bed every day. I get anxiety about missing class but cannot make myself get out of bed. It is a constant battle with myself every morning. If you do not have depression you have no idea what this is like. Some people are ignorant and assume you’re just lazy. Others try to relate by saying “I didn’t want to get out of bed either but I did it.” Everyone is tired in the morning but I don’t feel tired, I feel emotionally drained.
For the average college student, it is difficult to keep up with workloads, a job and social life. For someone with depression, it is ten times more challenging. Trying to make it through the day without crying is tough. It is such a struggle when it comes to anything honestly. I have no interest in doing anything at all. I LOVE grey’s anatomy and I can’t find myself able to get more than ten minutes into it anymore without getting bored. I also love to read and write, it is what used to get me through hard days and I can’t do either of those anymore.
For those who do not suffer from depression, you could never understand how hard this is. It’s not just being sad, depression is not something you just get over. I hate when people try and tell me to get over it, it is a mental illness not a bad grade. DO NOT push someone if they are having a bad day. DO NOT tell them they are going to fail if they are falling behind. Encourage them positively, be there for them if they need to talk or even try to help them in any way you can.
I feel disconnected from everyone and from my life. I don’t even feel like myself anymore, I do not recognize myself. It is the worst feeling, you feel as though everyone is disappointed in you which makes things even harder. Trying to find the right antidepressant for you is complicated. Some may cause side effects that make you more depressed, others may work for a little and then stop, and maybe you can’t find one that works just right. An antidepressant will not “fix” the depression, it helps you be able to handle it every day.
For those who have been diagnosed with depression disorder, know that you are not alone. There are many who struggle with this mental illness as well. It is okay to ask for help, it is too much to handle alone. You DO NOT need to be on antidepressants to feel better, it will not magically make the depression go away. Your friends and family are there for you every step of the way, don’t push them away. Try your best to do whatever makes you happy. Try your best to wake up each morning and face the day with a positive attitude. It is easier said than done so if you are having a bad day, there is always tomorrow.
