Hey Old Friend,
It's weird that I call you my friend when really, you're my worst nightmare. I think of you as a little kid thinks of their imaginary friend, except you're not so imaginary. You've been around since I can remember, just sulking behind me whispering negative things into my ear.
I didn't know what you were at first. I thought you were merely low self-esteem but was I wrong.
So so wrong.
It was easy to hide you at first though; I just put on a smile for the world to see as you slowly grew bigger and bigger. Nobody ever knew you were there, except me. I knew you were there, you're always there. I brushed you off in hopes that you would soon go away, in hopes that I could break free from your grasp. But that wasn't the case.
You see, you developed from that little voice inside my head. You were constantly telling me about my stretch marks and how they made me less beautiful. Soon you grew into the voice that tells me I'm better off dead.
I never wanted to acknowledge you because I promised myself I would be the one in my family to escape from your darkness, except I didn't get so lucky. Looking back, you've been there all along.
Those times in sixth grade where a boy made comments about my weight, you were there. You made sure that I never forgot what he said and made sure that it would continue to cross my mind over and over again.
When my sister couldn't go to my graduation, you were there during the entire ceremony telling me that my family didn't care and that I wasn't good enough to be there. Now instead of a little black cloud over my head, you're an entire storm that has clouded my vision.
I didn't acknowledge you until this summer when I finally realized what you were. You were no imaginary friend, or just the voice inside my head. You were, you ARE my biggest demon. I've reached out, I've gotten help. What I didn't realize was that you've made yourself at home and you're not going to be as easy to get rid of as I first thought.
I'm writing this letter as your eviction notice. You're no longer welcome here. You've destroyed my past, but I'm walking forward with high hopes that I won't ever have to feel your raindrops anymore. You decided the person I once was, but I'm not letting you take control any longer.
Oh, and while you're at it, take your good friend anxiety with you as well.
