Having Depression Come In And Out Of Your Life

Having Depression Come In And Out Of Your Life

Depression can come and go, and when it comes it's really a struggle

132
views

Having Depression is no joke, especially when it's a come and go process. At one point in your life, you may be the happiest you've ever been and the next you can feel like you're at your all time low again. It's like a high and low in life, one minute can be the absolute best and the next can be the absolute worst. It's just a matter of how you handle it.

Whether your depression is seasonal or there constantly, dealing with depression is no joke. It can cause you do not want to do anything or just wanting to sleep all the time. You can show no interest in things you used to love or struggle with the goals that you want to accomplish. Depression is like a funk. It can be a struggle to go to work, go to class, or simply just trying to get out of bed some days.

Having depression come in and out is difficult because at one point you could find something you really enjoy doing and the next you could not want anything to do with it anymore or struggle to find the time to do it because you'd rather just do nothing. You may find yourself struggling to do simple things like studying or even spending time with loved ones and friends. You may find yourself not wanting to be with certain people because they just don't understand how it is or how it feels. Which can be extremely frustrating all the time. You need to do what's best for you, especially when dealing with depression.

When dealing with depression, there are so many ways to help it. Some people listen to music, go to the gym, write, or do artwork. Finding something that will help you get through the bad days is what will help you get out of this funk. It'll help you look forward to something each and every day. Even the little things such as making your bed or cleaning your room can help. Finding something that works for you is the best way to help fight depression.

Having depression can be very hard on a person, especially with everything else in life going on. So don't be afraid to make yourself your number one priority and do the things you need to do to better yourself. And spending some time alone to just relax is okay also, sometimes people need some time to themselves to figure things out and to find yourself. Don't be afraid of the decisions you have to make to do things for yourself. Self-love is an important part in life and finding yourself and what makes you happy can really help with depression.

Popular Right Now

To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
1318557
views

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The World Reminds Me How Broken I Am, But God Reminds Me That I Don't Have To Be Whole

We do not have control over the things that break in our lives, but we can take our broken pieces to the one who will accept us just as we are.

388
views

If I am being honest, I am broken.

I've been trying to hide it because a lot of positive things have been happening in my life recently. For example, I am back on track for nursing school, I have three wonderful animals who fill my heart with joy and peace. I have friends and family who would drop everything for me, and I have a fiance who loves me unconditionally--and when I say unconditionally, I mean unconditionally. While I truly enjoy my life, I am still depressed, and anxious. I am still broken, and I am frustrated because of it.

Oftentimes I get so anxious that my head clouds over, I start to shake, and my eyes cannot focus. Sometimes nothing in particular even brings these symptoms on. Like right now, for example, I'm sitting here writing this article and I am shaking. I can hardly focus, and my eyes are blurred over, and I'm not sure why. I love writing, so it doesn't make sense that I am anxious about it right? Wrong. I am in fact not anxious about writing in particular, but about everything else that is going on in my life.

Last night my 95-year-old grandmother, who calls me her little angel, fell, for the third time in two months. At home, I am continuously stressed because my parents act more like a divorced couple than a married couple. I have been working my ass off to try and save up money, but it seems like I will never be able to save enough, especially now that Micheal and I are trying to plan our wedding. It seems that whatever I do upsets someone close to me, in some way shape or form. Whether it's going to a different church, getting married so young, or getting tattoos and piercings on my own body. With all of this stress and pressure from the world and the stress and pressure I put on myself to please others, especially my family members, I often end up feeling anxious, depressed, and ultimately broken.

And I have finally realized that because I live in a broken world, I am broken. I live in a world where people are still discriminated against for the color of their skin. A world where people shoot others out of rage or fear or just because. A world where being a cop is scary, and being a person of color is even scarier. Our world is so very broken that family members stop talking to one another because they do not agree on which political candidate to vote for. I live in a world that puts so much worth into what a person's body looks like, they forget to look deeper than their skin. I have realized that because this world is broken, so are many of the people who live in it.

I know that it does not matter if someone has a good life because depression does not look at how good someone's life is before it chooses to become a part of their life. I have learned that just because a person seems to have everything under control does not mean that they are never crippled by the weight of anxiety. Ultimately, I have noticed that as I look around, that I am not the only broken one.

But just because I and so many others are broken does not mean we are weak.

I have fought like hell every day to keep going, to stay optimistic, to comply with my meal plan and to breathe. Just like so many others who do the same. While the battle never seems to be linear, sometimes, if I become silent for just a moment--if I sit quietly in my chair at church while the congregation worships God so loudly, I can feel it. I can feel peace. I feel it deep in my heart. It feels like my entire body releases. My shoulders drop and I feel my heart smile. It's as if God is right there next to me, sitting quietly in my presence, smiling ear to ear because although I am broken He loves me regardless. When I feel peace in my heart, I accept myself just as I am, broken and shattered pieces included because God does the same. God accepts me, regardless of my brokenness because He loves me, and he loves you too. Regardless of failures and sins and shattered pieces. He picks all of that up along with us, right where we are, and He welcomes us home.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the brokenness of this world that I forget the peace that being still in the presence of God brings me. In the world, I will always be reminded of my brokenness, but in the palm of God, I hear His quiet whisper that says "come as you are, I am happy you have come home".

Related Content

Facebook Comments