Having Depression Come In And Out Of Your Life

Having Depression Come In And Out Of Your Life

Depression can come and go, and when it comes it's really a struggle


Having Depression is no joke, especially when it's a come and go process. At one point in your life, you may be the happiest you've ever been and the next you can feel like you're at your all time low again. It's like a high and low in life, one minute can be the absolute best and the next can be the absolute worst. It's just a matter of how you handle it.

Whether your depression is seasonal or there constantly, dealing with depression is no joke. It can cause you do not want to do anything or just wanting to sleep all the time. You can show no interest in things you used to love or struggle with the goals that you want to accomplish. Depression is like a funk. It can be a struggle to go to work, go to class, or simply just trying to get out of bed some days.

Having depression come in and out is difficult because at one point you could find something you really enjoy doing and the next you could not want anything to do with it anymore or struggle to find the time to do it because you'd rather just do nothing. You may find yourself struggling to do simple things like studying or even spending time with loved ones and friends. You may find yourself not wanting to be with certain people because they just don't understand how it is or how it feels. Which can be extremely frustrating all the time. You need to do what's best for you, especially when dealing with depression.

When dealing with depression, there are so many ways to help it. Some people listen to music, go to the gym, write, or do artwork. Finding something that will help you get through the bad days is what will help you get out of this funk. It'll help you look forward to something each and every day. Even the little things such as making your bed or cleaning your room can help. Finding something that works for you is the best way to help fight depression.

Having depression can be very hard on a person, especially with everything else in life going on. So don't be afraid to make yourself your number one priority and do the things you need to do to better yourself. And spending some time alone to just relax is okay also, sometimes people need some time to themselves to figure things out and to find yourself. Don't be afraid of the decisions you have to make to do things for yourself. Self-love is an important part in life and finding yourself and what makes you happy can really help with depression.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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To The Person Struggling, It WILL Get Better, Even If You Have To Fake It 'Til You Make It

You don't have to have your life 100% together.


If you are one of those people that are on the struggle bus, it's OK and you aren't alone.

Some days the bus is full and sometimes that bus is mostly empty. But the thing is, you'll get off the bus. And yeah one day you'll get back on it, but what would life be without some kind of struggle?

In all honesty, everyone is struggling and no one really has their life figured out.

People can tell you their life plans and their goals for a month, a year or their life, but the thing is that can always change. Life cannot be planned out completely nor should it be!

I've had multiple adults (the ones that pay rent and have jobs that they love) say that it's all about faking it 'til you make it. So if you are struggling and unsure how to do things, fake it! Of course, if you need help, ask for it! It would be much better to ask how to do something than stress over it for days. But there are just sometimes you might need to pretend like you know what you are doing.

Honestly, confidence is key.

One thing that might help is being organized (if you aren't already). That has helped me. Just being able to know what was where and when my next assignment is due. Lists are your best friend when you are trying to keep your head up in a sea of assignments, projects, exams... you name it. Have as many as you want on the walls, in your phones, on your laptop or anywhere that you can look at it.

Because nothing is worse than feeling like you are forgetting something.

And just like with many things, drink lots of water. It helps. And breathe. It may seem silly, but even ten seconds of focusing on your breathing and closing your eyes helps. Remind yourself that you got this. Because you do.

Above all, relax.

Don't overwork yourself and take breaks doing something that you enjoy. It's better to take breaks than working for hours on end.

So this New Year, remember that it's okay to feel like you're struggling. Just try and enjoy life and breathe. Because one day, you'll get off the struggle bus and to where you need to be.

And you'll get there. It takes just takes some time.

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