A common misconception about people with depression is that others think that we are just sad. Like, all the time. Which, shockingly, is not true. The winter blues, or feeling under the weather, that’s not it. There is a lot of ignorance thrown into the pot about mental illness, and depression, being quite the common one, is always filled with rumors. No, I don’t want to kill myself constantly. Yes, I’m allowed to laugh and be happy. Depression is not something that is dehumanizing, the chemicals in your brain just work a little differently. Just because I am having a good time, having fun and enjoying something with friends, does not mean I’m suddenly cured. I need to take my medicine. So, it’s not a good idea saying something along the lines of: “Well you laughed on Sunday, what do you mean you’re depressed?”
It goes into my top five things I get told the most often:
1. “Just be happy!”
2. “It’s all in your head!”
3. “But you were happy yesterday!”
4. “You should try [insert activity], it will make you feel better!”
5. “Some people have it worse!”
It’s like depression bingo, how many of those have you heard? Maybe if I try to go for a run at 5 a.m. and do yoga on weekends I will be cured and suddenly everything in my life will be happy sunshine and flowers. But it’s not that easy.
Depression is sneaky, and explaining it to people who HAVE it is hard. Because we all feel differently. Just as how there are hundreds of medications to boost specific chemicals in your brain to make it a little better, there are just as many types of ways all people with depression feel. It’s not one size fits all, everyone is different. And it is even harder trying to explain depression to someone who doesn’t have it. Because you never know what reactions you might get.
“What do you mean you haven’t left the house in a week?” Well, that’s exactly what it means. I’ve been lying in bed watching re-runs of old sitcoms, ordering takeout from GrubHub and calling out from work. I haven’t brushed my hair in a few days, and I think the cup that had herbal tea in it started growing moss.
But that’s not something you say to a person without getting a few side glances. Hey, I’m still here though, and I’m kickin’. The hardest part about the weird spiral that is depression is not getting sucked in. There might be times, like I’ve described, when you don’t leave your room, when you do want to die or when you’re not feeling like the medication is working. But you are stronger than those days, those weeks, those months. You know yourself better than anyone, and you pick yourself up every time.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation about how you deal with your depression. Your personal healing is your own, as long as you don’t give up, you’re a champ in my book. Not killing yourself is not something you brag about at dinner parties, but it’s still something to be proud of every single day. So keep grinding, it’s all gonna work out.
