All little girls have heard their parents or teachers say to them at one point or another:
“He’s being mean to you/hitting you/pulling on your hair because he likes you.”
“Boys will be boys.”
“If you do/act like ______, then you’ll never find a boy who will like you.”
Let me start off by saying that I call complete and utter bullsh*t on all of those statements. I’m sorry for the profanity, but telling little girls, or little boys, or anyone of any age for that matter that those things are okay is downright wrong and detrimental.
Telling little girls that a boy is being mean to her because he likes her is wrong. It should never be said, ever. It makes little boys think that doing that to girls—or to anyone—is okay, and letting boys think that is detrimental to them and the community around them. It makes little girls think and believe that if someone abuses them, then that’s how they show love and because they love the abuser, they should stick around because they love them. They don’t actually mean it, and they’ll never do it again.
No.
Listen to me: the majority of the time, an abuser will not stop abusing. Yes, there are occasions when an abuser gets therapy or something and stops. But more times than not, that isn’t the case. You have to be careful, and you have to look out for yourself.
Also, I want people to stop saying, “Boys will be boys.” No. That helps push the thought that boys are allowed to be destructive—physically and emotionally—and get away with it with no repercussions.
“Boys will be boys.” No. Boys will be held responsible to their actions and thoughts just like everyone else will be.
And when it comes to someone saying you should act a certain way to impress a boy or to make sure you have a husband, please, don’t listen to them.
“Boys will never want to date you if you eat like that.”
“You’ll only find a man if you get into sports.”
“You should really lose some weight. It’ll make you look prettier.”
The point of all these asinine statements: you should change yourself to please someone else.
No.
What you do, how you look, what you wear, should be to please you. Not just because someone says you have to do whatever to fit their definition of beautiful. Everyone has their own definition of the word beautiful, and you’re not going to fit every single person's definition. What matters is that you fit your own definition. Don’t feel like you need to change the way you look, dress, eat or do anything for that matter just to please someone.
Don’t feel like you need to do something you wouldn’t normally do because it’ll please a stupid boy that probably ten years down the road doesn’t matter. But don’t get me wrong, if that’s what you want to do, then feel free. Don’t do change who you are if you don’t want to.
I have known many people (myself very much included in) that have been told things like:
“You crinkle your eyes a lot when you smile.”
“Your laugh is very loud.”
And other comments that don’t seem harmful or mean, but what the person saying them doesn’t realize is that even “innocent” comments like those above can have damaging effects. Those who are told that their eyes crinkle a lot when they smile will try and smile less. Those who are told their laughs are loud are going to try not to laugh or make sure they cover their mouth when they do.
Everyone has different qualities, and everyone’s qualities are just as beautiful as everyone else’s. One person’s qualities are not better than another’s. We are all beautiful. We are all unique. We should all be proud of our little quirks. They’re what make us unique and who we are.
Don’t be afraid to love yourself. And if you ever hear someone tell a small child (girl, or guy, it doesn’t matter) something like the aforementioned statements, please tell them that it’s not true.
Boys and girls are not supposed to be mean to you just because they like you.
Boys should and will be held responsible just like everyone else.
You don’t have to change yourself if you don’t want to just to please someone else.
Self love is important.
