To The First Boy I Loved
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To The First Boy I Loved

Or an hour bawling my eyes out about an ex, I can't call an ex.

To The First Boy I Loved

I remember meeting you freshman year. I've never had a crush like this on anyone else. You were so nice and had all the features I was looking for.

We were friends all throughout high school. We both had the same friends, mostly, and we had just about all the same classes junior and senior year. We had a few together in freshman and sophomore year.

I had just come out in eighth grade, so my mind was just boys, boys, boys. I had what I liked to call "crushes" on a few guys. I didn't have feelings for these guys but thought they were attractive. Those guys know who they are.

OK, back to you.

For a period, you were one of those "crushes" too, but all the others faded away. Only you were left. I knew you were straight. I knew you liked girls. But my heart didn't care. I just knew I liked and loved you. We never hung out, outside of school. Come to think about it, we never did anything out of school. I'd always want to pick you as a partner for any class project. But your friends, which weren't mine, would get you first. I realize I'm a very socially challenged person. I can't really read social cues. So I couldn't tell you were trying to friend-zone me.

I tried to convince myself you're straight, and I have to daily. I still think, "He'll come to his senses, and realize he's at least Bi." But I'm starting to realize you're never going to be mine. You're way out of my league.

You're in the army now. (I know how to pick them, huh?) You're with a girl two years younger than you, last time I checked. I kind of tended to still stalk your Facebook, before your blocked me.

I told you on the last day of senior year, in Chemistry, that I had a crush on you. You nervously laughed it off, saying you didn't feel the same. I kept all my feelings in that day until the bus left the school. I cried every tear I had, creating the playlist I've rocked out, and cried to, daily. Here's a link to the Spotify playlist, if you want to cry as well. I am still adding songs every day.

You'll always hold a place in my heart. Even if I never had a chance having a place in yours. You'll always be my first love. Even if I'm not yours.

This quote sticks out to me from "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Ingrid Michealson (which is on the playlist). "So won't you please just take my hand, and take my whole life too, 'Cause I can't help falling in love, in love with you. I keep falling in love with you."

I keep you in my heart, "in case you don't find what you're looking for," ("In Case," Demi Lovato). I still love you and I always will. There's nothing either of us can do to stop it. I just have to realize we're never gonna happen.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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