If you've ever seen me on Facebook or online forums, you might think I'm the most optimistic person alive. I'm the one filling every comment section with "Hang in there!", "It gets better!", "I believe in you; you can do this!", and "Sending positive thoughts your way!" I'm the one whose wall is filled with shared images of encouragement--the ones that remind you that, "You're awesome!" and "You can do anything and be anything!" All of these, of course, include the liberal use of the smiling emoticon.

Perhaps you would have this same impression of me if you were to randomly encounter me in a hallway or store aisle. I'll probably smile at you if I'm not in a full-out run from point A or point B, or if I'm walking out a door, I'll probably hold it open for you and if we exchanged a few words before, I might tell you to "Have a nice day!" When discussing sad or unfortunate events, it's very likely that I'll throw in at least a line or two about the "bright side" of the situation or how "things will improve soon."

And there's been a time or two that those closest to me have called me a hypocrite for this.

See, despite the fact that the external circumstances of my life are just about as pleasant as a human life can be expected to be, I'm not always a happy person. I'm very self-critical...often within earshot of others. I worry about my own future and about my abilities and weaknesses and, well, everything. I struggle with suicidal ideation. Many days, I'm not fond of myself as a person.

Thus comes the exasperated question: "Why do you post such positive things online when you're such a negative person? Are you a hypocrite?"

At a point in early adolescence, all I could do was hang my head and fidget with my fingers. What gives me the right to tell others to be positive and have hope when I can do neither of those things myself?

But after years of thinking about it, of continuing my overly-chipper facade and, yet, feeling guilty for it, I think I may finally have an answer to that question:

"Yes, I'm a hypocrite. What gives me the right not to be?"

What gives me the right not to give encouragement to people who appear to be discouraged?

What gives me the right not to show care and concern to those who seem to need it?

What gives me the right not to do what I believe may have a chance at improving the quality of someone's life, even for just a fraction of a second?

What annoys some people, I've come to realize, is that they mistake my hopes of them being happy and well for an expectation of or a demand for happiness and wellness. I get that such demands and expectations do exist: many times, I've been told to "just get over it," that others "don't want to hear about that," that my life is "perfect" and that I have no right to be unhappy, and that I should quit "dragging people down" with my problems. I get that it's very hurtful to have your problems trivialized and pushed aside, and I get that too many people have too many expectations and demands and that you don't need another voice issuing more.

I'm not here to issue expectations and demands. I don't expect anyone to be happy, positive, and well all of the time. I don't demand that you feel anything other than your own emotions. You have every right to be pessimistic, downcast, upset, doubtful, self-loathing, scornful, hopeless, or whatever else you may be feeling, even if you have everything else in the world going "right" for you. You're a person, and people have complicated, tumultuous, and often unpleasant emotions that do not always sync up neatly to the concrete details of one's life. And I don't intend to infringe on your rights to experience or express any of those emotions.

I'm just here to issue reminders.

I'm a forgetful person. I tend to forget that I have positive traits as well as the negative ones that I fixate on. I tend to forget that there's more to a situation than the dark, frightening aspects that I'm trembling over. I tend to forget that I've overcome every other battle I've fought in the past and that things really have gotten better. That things do get better for a lot of people in a lot of situations, and that things will probably continue to get better. I tend to forget that others genuinely care about my mood and well-being and that people care enough about me to want me to be happy and well. Sometimes, it's only when I'm reminded of this, whether it be from family members or friends or a stranger issuing strings of text behind a computer screen, that I'm able to pull my head up, if even just long enough to take a breath, and look forward, and it's only when I'm looking forward that I can move on with this series of gears and turns called "life."

And it seems that others could use these reminders from time to time too. Perhaps my little snippets of positivity remind others of their strengths and of their value, and perhaps I'm helping others to move forward the same way that others have helped me. I can't know for certain, but I'd like to believe that someone out there benefits from these little reminders of the good and hopeful in the universe.

Perhaps there's a selfish motivation behind it, too. I'd like to be healing and positive and hopeful and happy toward myself, yet I am unable to hear it. I'd like more encouragement and grace in my own little world, but such things won't always come to me, from me. With grace, encouragement, happiness, hope, positivity and healing in the world, then maybe, just maybe, some of it will seep back in through the cracks of my being. The only way these things will exist in the world, however, is if others work to put them there. I know that it's beneficial for everyone in the world including myself, that I pump as many positive, chipper little worlds and vibrations into the air and into cyberspace as I possibly can.

So, yes, I'm a hypocrite. I tell others to have a nice day when I'm having a terrible one. I tell others to believe in themselves when I don't believe in myself. I tell others that things get better and that they can do whatever they're aiming to, when I often doubt the truth of this for me and my own life. Merriam-Webster defines the word "hypocrite" as a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings, and I fit the bill exactly.

Is it such a bad thing to want others to be better off? To have more hope and happiness, more healing and peace than what oneself experiences?