4. Noyes

Without question, I knew that Noyes would be last on this list. Besides the terrible location, the overwhelming amount of grunting one must endure in your time there is ridiculous. Someone once told me that if you have more than 1% body fat you would probably be miserable going there and I can’t say that I disagree. Although I am a member of Greek life, the number of frat bros consistently there, looking to outdo themselves and each other on their squats and deadlifts, is more than any mere mortal can handle. Long story short: if your body fat is over 1% and you don’t enjoy copious grunting this is probably not the location for you.

3. Appel

So, previously, Appel probably would have easily been last on this list, but the recent renovations definitely bring it up a spot. The newly added ‘octagon’ and turf definitely bring it up a notch, as well. Besides Teagle, it is the only gym where you can do Olympic lifts and the new barbells include rubber plates. It’s also impossible to discount that literally all of the equipment, outside of the cardio equipment, is brand new. Currently, the main minus is that the stereo system is broken and no matter how loud your headphones are you can hear every grunt and conversation throughout this tiny gym. After it is fixed, though, it could potentially give Newman a run for its money. Long story short: if you are into Olympic lifts and love new “state of the art” equipment, this is the place for you.

2. Newman

Alright, this is where everything gets real. Up until this summer, I would easily have ranked Newman first, but you’ll have to keep reading to find out why it’s not anymore. A lot of people on campus will tell you Newman is their ride or die. You will find everyone from freshmen to seniors here, and for a very good cause. Even though it is out of the way for anyone that doesn’t live on North, the fact that it not only has copious cardio machines, but a myriad of free weights and lifting machines, easily makes it the favorite gym of so many Cornell students. However, we cannot discount the fact that it is generally ALWAYS crowded, except very specific times (which are most certainly classified). Long story short: Newman has everything you could ever need, but you may not be able to find an open bench or machine.

1. Teagle

THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...jk there are only 4 gyms here, and presumably you haven’t failed out, and were smart enough to figure out number one was before we got here. Anyway, the fact that Teagle Up and Teagle Down exist automatically makes it number one. Teagle Up is prime land for cardio bunnies and also cardio bunnies who like to throw in some weightlifting. The only place that could possibly give Teagle Up a run for its money, in terms of cardio machines, is Noyes or Planet Fitness. And Teagle Down is heaven for the future bodybuilders of America. There is an infinite amount of weight lifting equipment and I highly doubt you are going to have to wait for a machine. Long story short: any person, any workout, this is the place for you.

Honorable Mention:

My first honorable mention goes to the ~varsity gym~. So apparently there is a mythical varsity gym, specifically for varsity athletes, that is the Holy Grail of gyms and has everything you could ever need. This is a location I have never and will never go, but I feel like it cannot be ignored.

And my second goes to Barton Hall. I know this is weird, but I’m pretty sure that everyone knows someone who at some point in February is like I have to go to Barton today and then you wonder if there’s a concert you didn’t know about and they proceed to tell you that they are going their of their own volition to run around the track. I know, I’m confused too, but this is Cornell so are you surprised?