Now that I have siblings, I think you need to stop reproducing. This house is too cramped and we need more dogs, maybe four. I want a cat, too. Ah, and a fish. Maybe a monkey. Definitely a horse, maybe a cow too, so we stop running out of milk. I'm sick of the boys eating all of the cereal, and my sister better stop stealing my clothes.

Now that I'm in elementary school, I can't wait to grow up. I'm sick of you telling me "no." I want to be in high school, and I want a boyfriend. And I want a cellphone. Also, I don't understand why I can't sleep in your bed anymore, I'm sick of sharing a room. You better be outside exactly at 3 p.m. so I don't have to wait for you after school. I don't like my teachers, and I hate having lunch detention. You need to buy more Yoo-hoos, and start getting me Fruit Roll-ups. Stop yelling at me so much, I'm right.

Now that I'm in middle school, I'm beyond annoyed with waking up early every morning. I'll fake sick and take a nap in the nurses office any chance I get. I won't do my homework even if you try to make me, and I'm absolutely going to feed the dogs my dinner as soon as you look away whenever you make hot turkey sandwiches, which I think are God-awful. Nothing you have ever said is important and you don't make sense when you send me to bed early. Stop grounding me so much, I'm better than other kids. I clean my room once a month and I don't get detention anymore.

Now that I'm hurt, I need you. I wish I could tell you.

Now that I'm in high school, I'm going to rip up my report card and throw it under our neighbors porch. And I finally have that boyfriend I always wanted. I'm grown up now and I'm going to come home at three in the morning and my punishment will be spending the next day with you even though my liver probably shut down (possibly exaggerating, but probably not.) If you take my cell phone away, I'm going to take it back and get grounded even longer, which is totally crude. Oh, and I'm going to sneak out, like, a lot.

Now that I'm heart broken, I'm going to pretend like I didn't care about him, and act like it doesn't matter. But I'll cry to you maybe once or twice, actually I'll just find a new boyfriend. No, she's not my friend anymore and yes, I was late to school today. I'll be on time tomorrow, I promise...actually, never mind. Stop reading my text messages, and don't tell Dad what I did on St. Patrick's Day. And can you please just stop being so annoying? I don't understand why you're always yelling at me. I'm a good kid.

Now that I'm in a freshman in college, I'm tired. I wish we had recess and I want you to pack my lunch even though I have no time to eat it. I'm sick of taking the city bus to school and I want my license. Can we get another dog? How about two?

Now that I have my license, I have to pay for gas, and insurance. Total bull.

Now that I'm 18, I'm grown up. You honestly don't know what you're talking about and I'm done arguing with you. I need to do everything on my own. Can you make sure to reschedule my dentist appointment? What's for dinner? I keep forgetting to put my clothes in the dryer. I need to be more quiet when I get home after midnight. Did the boys really eat all the pizza?

Now that I'm 19, I understand why you didn't buy me name brand things, and I know why we never ate McDonald's, and I'm happy I appreciate a home-cooked meal more than anything. I know why you sent me to bed early, and revoked my television privileges for not doing my chores, and I think I know why I was grounded for 77% of my childhood, even though I'd prefer to not admit that I was and still am a smart ass.

Now that I'm me again, I want to say thank you. It's true, I am a good kid. I made a lot of careless decisions that you found out about EVERY single time, but without punishments ranging from an old fashioned bar of soap in the mouth, (or other things any mother with a smart-mouthed child knows all too well) to taking my phone away and grounding me for months. Oh, and telling on me to Dad. I understand. Thank you.

Dear Mom, you were right.