You've put up the walls because every time you learn to love someone they leave. You've learned to get used to the leaving because you know that and that is what you are used to. You put up with the bare minimum from people that you give 210% for. You fall for the same boy again and again and again until you gain some self respect for yourself and realize that he will never care for you in a million years.

You met the boy who joined the Marines. You fell for the humor, the kindness, and the all around great personality. But lets be honest you also fell for that uniform too. You learned that distance sucks and that you constantly are missing the marine. You fell for that kiss too because man was that kiss out of this world. You learned that he was leaving, you learned not to get attached, and you added another brick to that ever growing emotional wall of yours. (Jokes on you though you still got attached)

You learned that if someone leaves you three times for three other people that they probably don't care for you. You tried to gain some self respect for yourself after the first time that they left you and went to be engaged. But you fell for the same crap again, them saying that would never leave you and that they always would love you. You believed it the first time and the second time, but after the third time you were crying in your friend's shower feeling like less of a person. You learned to leave someone before they leave you and you added another brick to that ever growing emotional wall of yours.

You became bored so easily, you never had sex with any of the guys you hung out with but you had your ones you called when you were bored. You had your people who you would call when you were bored, the ones who were always down to do shots and end up making out with you somehow. While you were in your "hoe phase" and hanging out with any boy in a uniform who would give you the time of day, you learned that the cute guy at the BBQ is exactly what you want in a relationship. You want to have a forever beer pong partner but instead have to deal with the people who only want to be the Friday night beer pong partners. You put another brick up in your emotional wall and never said anything about how you felt because there's no way that this guy would ever care for you the way you care for him. There's was no way that he would ever care for you, the girl who's been so broken that she's not all emotionally there.

You learned that you had a type. Marines or Army no matter what the branch was, you learned that was what you wanted and you always got what you wanted at the end of the day. But in the end you had your heart broken by the crayon eaters and the glue drinkers more than you could count. In the end you gave up trying to find that perfect match in the uniform because it ultimately resulted in them leaving. You learned to build that wall as high as it could go because the moment you let someone in they would leave you at the drop of a hat. You became used to people leaving, it was a normal thing in your life so you put up with it day in and day out.

You learned that what happens behind closed doors doesn't always have to stay behind closed doors. You learned that yelling and screaming are not how someone should properly communicate to you and you learned that you deserve respect and should be valued. You learned what you don't want in a relationship and that is where you don't have the yelling, the screaming, and the abuse. You learned that if someone really loves you, they wouldn't hit you, they wouldn't cheat on you, nor would they ever devalue you as a person.

You learned that it's okay to not be all there, but it's important to have a good support system around you of people who are rooting for you instead of against you.

You learned to take ownership for your past and your mistakes.

You've learned that people were put into your path for a reason

You've learned how to slowly take bricks out of your walls that you've built around you

You've learned to stop rambling

I've learned valuable lessons by everyone who's been put into my path

I've learned that it's okay not to be okay as long as I have the right people by my side

I've learned to own my pasts and the people who've made me who I am today

XOXO

-O