Dear those who are also always left behind,
Well, it’s happened again. Someone you considered a friend, someone you trusted, someone you loved, someone you believed would always be there for you—that someone, you know who—has left you.
It started simply: when you were together, they started talking and smiling less, looking more lost in thought than anything, but you just chalked it up to them having a bad day.
But then, their “having a bad day” seemed to last a lot longer than a day. Suddenly, they were disinterested, ignoring you and dodging your attempts to meet. When you would get together, the words didn’t flow like they used to. It was like pulling teeth when you tried to get them to talk. You tried, like the caring and compassionate person you are, to figure out the problem. Was it family? Was it their work? Was it you? But with a wave of their hand and a “I’m just tired,” they batted your concern, doing nothing to bat away the growing feeling of nausea bubbling in your stomach.
And then, just like that, they were gone.
If you contacted them, they gave you some sort of fumbling excuse. But you’ve been left so many times that you recognize a BS excuse when you hear it.
If you didn’t contact them, well—it was over.
There might have been fanfare leading up to it; there might have been signs that they were going to bolt far before you realized, but you were too invested in making sure that they stayed to see clear. All you know now is that you’re alone.
It hurts more than words can say. Thoughts of “What did I do?” and “Was I not worth it?” run through your head, and nights are always spent staring at the ceiling as you lay in bed, picturing every time you were together and wondering what action was the final straw.
I know the loneliness sets in, and it hurts. It’s like something with giant claws has ripped your organs out of your chest, and you’ve sunk to your knees, completely and irrevocably defeated.
I promise you—you’re not alone.
It’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay.
Those people that left didn’t and don’t deserve you. You’re a priceless individual, teeming with brilliant thoughts and bright smiles and a love so powerful that you could probably share it with the entire Earth and still not run out. Your worthiness isn’t determined by the people you surround yourself with, but rather, who you show yourself to be. And your true self will eventually become surrounded with quality individuals who love you for who you are and are too in love to leave.
It will be okay.
I’m not going to lie—it’s tough to dig yourself out of this deep hole that you’ve fallen in, but you’ve done it before, and you can do it again. Sometimes the dirt walls will crumble when you try to grapple on, or you’ll lose your footing and fall, and have to start all over again. Sometimes you might not feel like you have the strength to carry on. I promise you do.
Afterwards, think of your best moments and hold onto them. Think of how you made your friend a cup of tea and a bowl of chicken noodle soup when they were so sick that they couldn’t get out of bed. Think of how you made your teacher/professor laugh when it seemed like they’d had a rough class period. Think of the time you held a classmate when they’d just been broken up with and you let them cry on your shoulder, even though you didn’t really know them.
Think of those times, those memories, and hold onto them. Then, create more of them.
And in doing so, you’ll heal yourself. It may not seem like it at first, but you will.
If you happen to bump into the one who left you behind, you are not obligated to speak to them. You don’t owe them anything. If they loved you (and they probably did, because you’re amazingly lovable), then they know they broke your heart. You don’t need to return the sentiment; you are better than that. Instead, move on.
C.S. Lewis once said, "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."
I love you. You are not alone.
The fellow heartbroken