I am sorry for all the terrible things I have said and thought about you the past few years. I’m sorry for listening to those kids in middle school when they called you those mean names. I’m sorry for ignoring you, for not appreciating you, and for constantly being hateful to you.
I’m sorry I rejected you time and time again. I am sorry that I haven’t listened to you, took time with you, or loved you. I’m sorry that I focused on your failures, stressed you out, and made you itch with anxiety. But most importantly, I am sorry for putting you last.
But listen, I could apologize all day or I could make this a happy ending story by simply saying “I no longer struggle to try and love you” but that would be a lie. Life happens and you change, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So self, listen to me closely when I tell you this. I am glad that I struggled with you because it has taught me so much more about you than anyone will ever know.
I know what makes you anxious and upset. I understand that working out relieves all your stress just like writing makes you feel alive again. I see that you struggle to try to show emotions and that you hate the feeling of failure. I get it. I get you. And I now finally understood what self-love means. It is not just complete love for yourself and body, but it’s the understanding of who you are. And the love of who you have grown into.
So self, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to grow and for always loving me when I was still struggling with learning how to love you. Your heart continues to beat when I am positive that it is broken, your pain and hurt remind me that I am still alive, and your failures remind me that I still have room to grow.
So thank you.