Dear person I once knew,
When we were younger, we talked some. I remember we would go months without talking. But then I or you would randomly text the other and it was like nothing happened. Why is it all so different and difficult now? When you don’t text me, I used to feel like a part of me was missing. But I’ve come to realize something this past couple weeks. I can make it without you. Ouch, huh? I’m typing this with tears in my eyes, but I need you to know this. Goodbye is such a powerful word, one I have always been terrified of and you know that. But there are so many reasons why I didn't want to say goodbye to you that I don't think you even knew.“The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day."
"You have two choices: Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.”
You are battling yourself right now. That is a lose/lose situation. You told me when we fought that you were just trying to find yourself. I don’t know if you “trying to find yourself” means that everything from before has to go, maybe that’s why you were pushing so hard for me to not be a part of your life, or maybe it’s just the fact that you are afraid of someone loving you. Or maybe most of all, you are afraid people might find out who you are before you find it out yourself.
“When life comes rushing at you out of the darkness who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light, or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be untested, someone new? Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness. When it does, is there someone in your life you can count on – someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall, and in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears alone?”
You’re the person I chose. I chose you to fight with me. And you did, for quite some time. You were the one that I ran to, and you ran to me. We were one fierce pair. Always there for each other and loving each other constantly. How it should be. But somewhere it changed, for me at least. I don’t feel like I can come to you anymore. I’m so scared if I say something too personal that it will scare you off, it has before so don’t make false promises on how it won’t. “I should be stronger than this, you know, I should. And I don’t want to be a person that needs help... but I feel all alone.”
“And why won’t you ever just let me all the way in?”
You are so hesitant to ever let anyone in. I know that you have had so much happen to you in the past, and I am extremely sorry for that. But you have to let someone in someday. I don’t know what you are afraid of: if it’s them judging you, or if it’s the heartbreak of possibly losing someone. Or if it’s purely just pride. Whatever it is, get over it and let someone in. You can’t do everything on your own.
“It doesn’t matter how fast you run, the pain will always run faster.”
I don’t know exactly how you feel right now, I don't think you even know how you feel really.. I don’t know if you think that just because you think that you are fine and have everything under control that means you do. I just want to let you know something, you can’t run forever. Eventually all of the pain and crap that you have been hiding from and pretending hasn’t happened, it’s all going to catch up to you. “Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday. And I’m not even sure she knows it”
I’m so extremely proud of you. You have accomplished so much, it astonishes me. I’m truly blessed to have seen what you have done since we were kids. You truly will change the world someday.
“We go days without having a meaningful conversation, and I use to miss you so much when that happened. but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it, I stopped missing you.”
Somewhere along the line, we changed. Things used to be so carefree and we wouldn't have to worry about any of it. It seems like I was constantly worried about how you were feeling, or whether or not you still wanted to be friends with me. But I've realized something: caring about someone who only cares about themselves, it's a destructive path. You put so much into someone who doesn't even reply to your texts: that's when I realized I was invested more, and that something had to change. I decided it was time to move on from our one-sided relationship. I still care about you, and I always will. I just don't miss you anymore. And yes I will always love you, I just don't like this "you." I don't like him at all.
