I know you.
I know you make a bunch of to-do lists in your head. I know you hang on to nostalgia because things always seem less complicated if they happened already, don't they? I know some of you have parents that add to the pressure you already put on yourself. I know it's hard for you to be proud of yourself. I know losses seem to crush you more than anyone else around you.
About the lists...
You have a crazy number of goals on them. That's absolutely incredible, but it can also ruin you. When you don't finish everything on your list for the day, you might feel like a failure. You expect so much from yourself. Take a step back and look at the things you have done. Just because everything on your crazy overachiever list (I mean that in the most endearing way possible) isn't done doesn't mean you're awful, it just means you're human.
You have all the time in the world to work on those goals. I know that you probably will spend most of your time doing so. Every once in a while, though, you need to remind yourself of how far you've come and how much you've accomplished in getting there. Take pleasure in the small victories, too. You don't have to do or be something monumental to be considered a success.
And when you're nostalgic...
It's easy to romanticize the past. I'm sure you regret not doing certain things, and you wish you could have that time back. We all do. When you're done listening to Ribs by Lorde, you need to find a way to appreciate your past while recognizing that it too came with challenges. No matter how much you want to go back, you can't (duh).
Your time's not up, though. You may never be twelve (or whatever age you've come to idealize) again, but you can still have fun. You don't have to turn your wonder and inquisitiveness off after you graduate middle school. Nostalgia can be fun, but it can also be painful. It serves as a reminder of better moments than the one you're having now. The things you didn't do back then haunt you. Still, fun is not restricted to an age. I know your hard work or self loathing (or both) may get in the way of you having a good time.
You may feel stupid for wanting to have fun. You're not. You need a break now and then. You also need to find out what your idea of fun is. It doesn't have to be a stereotypical party or concert experience. It can be you sitting at home painting birdhouses. Or, like me, it can be both. Don't spend too much time getting lost in the past, because you'll miss out on things you could be doing now.
Maybe it's your parents...
Life isn't any easier when your parents are breathing down your shoulders. I really have no advice for this one. You can't change them, but you can try to change yourself. Sometimes, when you go easier on yourself, you can deal with your parents' expectations and criticisms better. I'm sure they love you and you love them, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything they want. That would probably be unrealistic anyway.
Your parents will never know you the way you know yourself. Remember that next time they say something to you. It's not fair to yourself to try to live up to any of their unrealistic expectations. There's a difference between being driven and pushing yourself to the point where you burn out. It gets easier to let go of what your parents say once you become more confident in your abilities and achievements.
Last but not least...
One loss doesn't make or break you. One million losses don't make or break you either. I'm sure you've heard this a million times before, but I'm going to remind you: it's the way you deal with your losses that shapes you. It's hard realizing you've lost, especially after you put so much effort towards or got emotionally invested in something.
It happens. It's not the end-all be-all. Be proud of your hard work even if you lost. One day, it's going to pay off. It's probably paid off multiple times already. Don't take failures as a reason to stop trying or think less of yourself.
It's also okay to have days where you want to relax and do nothing. Be kind to yourself. You have done so much, and you'll have the rest of your life to do more. Go ahead; sit down and watch Criminal Minds for the entire day (while you paint your bird house, of course). You put this insane pressure on yourself, and maybe you get pressured from others too. When you see others succeed, you might feel bad about yourself and start comparing achievements.
Stop it. Everyone is different. Just because someone is doing well at a given moment doesn't mean you will never thrive, and it certainly doesn't mean they'll be like this forever. I implore you again to look at what you've done, the lives you've impacted positively, and the boundless possibilities in your future. Be proud of yourself. I know I am.
Love,
