Let me start off by saying that you probably never expected a girl like me to have anxiety. You'd never expect a girl like me to have anxiety because I try to hide it with my sarcasm or the invisible wall I have built up as a defense mechanism. Anxiety isn't something most people noticed I have, so let me tell you some signs that you probably missed.
You have probably missed the signs of my nervous behaviors: thinking I have my mind made up and then 5 seconds later I become indecisive again, making excuses to stay at home so that I don't have to socialize with a lot of people, horribly chewed nails (they're like stubs if I don't get my nails done) and sudden crying over the most random situations (like not finishing a test, broken hair tie, messed up daily routine). In new situations I've seemed to develop shortness of breath, scared of change, bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep I get, not being able to go to new places or talk to new people alone, and my absolute random panic attacks.
Anxiety feels like when you're at the beach and the waves are way too rough. When the wave hits, you get knocked down and tend to struggle to make it back up to your feet before the next one comes. It’s overwhelming and every single moment feels like you're one more wave away from being pulled out to the middle of the sea. The ocean is absolutely huge, with some parts not even discovered yet; and that's how I feel about my anxiety because it didn't start getting bad until December of my sophomore year of high school. The water in the ocean of my anxiety is a dark blue to the point you can't even see the bottom or end of this mess and the water is absolutely freezing to the point it makes you numb. And the more I struggle against my anxiety, the more the waves of stress, emotions, and situations get bigger and bigger until it feels like they can take out the whole world with one big crash onto the shore that is called my life.
When things get rough for me, I want you to know (whoever is reading this) that I like having my space to think things over. However, I don't like being lonely- so if you see that I am struggling, please do not hesitate to pull me aside. I would appreciate if you asked how I am, or told me that I can lean on you during my hardships, or simply just let me rant to you about my struggles.
For anyone that doesn't understand the struggle of anxiety please know that a mental illness like anxiety doesn't make me, or anyone else- any less of a person than before. Because I am, and so are you, a human being that just has some days that are worse than others.
Sincerely yours,
A 17-year-old girl with anxiety.
