I just completed the four most stressful years of my life (so far.) When I crossed the stage to get my diploma, it seemed unreal. The fact that I have graduated has yet to fully hit me. I have friends who had job offers before walking the stage, some even getting offers to continue their athletic career at the professional level. I have other friends who found a job in their field after a month, and others to find a job that does not require a degree. Like many other graduates, I also have friends who feel lost, like they do not know which road to go down next.

These past four years have been nothing but amazing. I know that at times, it seemed that all I did was go out with my friends on the weekends, and sometimes even Tuesday or Thursday nights. What you did not see were the all-nighters of multiple cups of coffee or energy drinks, sometimes even both.

You did not see how those nights out were my way of decompressing, trying to feel less anxious about all the studying, assignments, and what was to come next. You did not watch me study or do my homework like you did in high school, creating numerous note cards, or constantly working on long papers. You did not see me balance a school life, social life, still being responsible around the house. You did not see my mental break downs, where I sat there contemplating on if I can make a living by being a professional Netflix watcher.

Even though I am not in college anymore, my habits that I have obtained from school are still with me. I enjoy staying up late, sometimes leaving the house at random hours to go hangout with friends or go get food. I love to sleep in, sometimes taking naps throughout the day. You might find that I have adopted different ways of doing certain things, some that my roommates have probably taught me throughout the years. I know the person that is now occupying the no longer empty room might seem like someone else, but they are not. I just grew up a little along the way and learned a few new things.

Now that I have graduated, now that I am home, I do not want a long to-do list of what I need to accomplish each day. I do not want a list of chores when I have been doing them on my own, without being told. I do not want a list of jobs I should apply for, as though I have not been looking myself. For the past four years, I have been working at the pace of a university that sometimes made deadlines too short or almost impossible. I have been working at the pace of four or more teachers each semester, learning how to adjust to each one, only to finally figure out how they grade just in time for the semester to be over. Now that I have graduated, I want to do this at my own speed.

I know you want me to move on to graduate school or find a job where I can use my degree. Do not think that I do not want those things because I am the one who wants it the most, but please understand that I finished my degree in four years and should not be expected to have my life figured out right away. I should not be expected to be gainfully employed fresh out of school. Please understand how much of a change this is for me. Please understand that I left my friends for four years, not knowing when I will see them again. Please know that I have been on my own schedule and now have to let you know where I am going every time I leave the house.

Understand that I have had my own space and only had to share it with one or two other people; a space where everything had its own place. Now that I am home, I have moved my whole apartment into my tiny, little room, feeling like I no longer belong here, like I no longer fit. (I know you probably also cannot wait until I move out so you can transform my room into a game room or office.)

Before going to college, I was so excited to move away from home, being able to get a taste of what it is like to be on my own and have more freedom than I knew what to do with. Now, that freedom seems to be over and a huge adjustment needs to be made, part of me feels like I took a step back, as though I was out on my own, having the freedom I craved for, only to come back to where I started.

I know that you guys are one of my biggest supporters and only want the best for me. I know that when you give me information for a job or graduate school to apply to, you are only trying to help. I know that even though you were not there on all of those restless nights, that you do know how hard I worked to get here, and how hard I am willing to work to continue reaching for my dreams. Let’s face it, I would not be here today if it was not for you guys.

What I am asking for is some time, patience, and most importantly, understanding. This was an exciting and amazing accomplishment, but also very scary, overwhelming, and emotional. This is a huge adjustment for myself, having to pick up my life and move back home. Do not expect me to have the rest of my life planned out because I do not know what my next step will be. I only hope that once I share those next steps with you that you will remain supportive and open minded. I hope that when I do decide, that you will not think of a million reasons against my decision. Instead, I hope that you will try to think of all the reasons why I should do it, with the number one reason being that this is what I want and it will make me happy. At this time, I am working on a life that will make me happy.

College has given me the right tools to succeed, but so have you guys. Please trust in yourself that you raised me well enough to make the right decisions for myself. And please trust that this very expensive education will pay off. I just need some time.