Dear Lost Friend,
I am sure anything I say here will mean nothing because the damage is already done and it may seem selfish of me to say this anyways, but it is just something I feel the need to do. So please bare with me while I try to make sense of where it all went wrong.
It doesn't seem like that long ago that we became friends. I do not remember the exact moment, but I remember feeling lucky to call you my friend. We spent days together that turned into pulling an all-nighter, we binged watched t.v. shows, and drank cookout milkshakes at 1 a.m. We talked about our past, complained about our present, and dreamed of a future, where we would be old lady neighbors yelling from porch to porch. I felt safe, knowing I always had you by my side. You made me feel like I was never truly alone. We did not agree on everything, but you challenged me to see more than what meets the eye. You taught me about the simplicity in life and how no matter the circumstance, you can always survive. I remember having $20 between the two of us, walking through the dollar tree trying to grocery shop. We made one amazing meal that night and even had enough for a glass of wine. I loved just driving around and window shopping, talking about soul mates and happily ever afters. You were the only other one who was just as obsessed with Disney and Taylor Swift as me. You loved me even when I despised 1D.
All of these memories come back in flash, starting with when I saw you last. When we managed to scrape out the basic, "Hey, how are you?" It felt like a knife in my heart not being like we use to. I know it is my fault and that is why it hurts so much because being the blame for disappointing someone is just no fun. Especially when that someone was your best friend in the world and now I can barely speak 4 simple words. There is something so disheartening when a friend becomes just a person you use to know, how you can see them and walk past as if they were never a big part of your life, and how you could talk for hours and now, well, now you can barely even look at them. Taking a friendship like what we had and turning it into what it has become now, or a lack of what it has become now, is heartbreaking.
No apology can really fix something like that. No matter how much I wish it would. It is one of the worst feelings knowing I lost you as a friend because you are someone I could have told anything to and even though you might not have been able to relate, you still showed compassion for the things I went through. I could tell you things I could not tell my parents, or siblings, or other friends and I knew you would never judge me. You would let me vent and rant about something no matter how many times I had done so before. No matter how socially awkward we both were, together we were comfortable and it pains me to have lost that with you. It pains me that I was not that person for you, that you felt judged and used. That you felt as though I could not have compassion for the things you went through. I replay over and over again the ways in which I could have made this right, but there is no going back in time to fix the mistakes of mine. All I want you to know is that you are someone special, that you have a heart of gold and a love that anyone will be lucky to have. I am sorry I could not be the friend that you deserved, I am sorry that sorry just isn't enough.
Sincerely,
Your Old Friend.
