Are you like me? Have you been there too?
Hurt and betrayed?
And I'm not talking about being hurt by just anyone. You were deeply wounded and rejected by the one person who you respected and looked up to more than anyone else. The one you spent so much time with, and the person who taught you so much about life. It was the one who hung the moon and stars in your eyes.
Who was it that did it to you?
Was it the one who told you about Jesus? Or was it the one who instilled in you a love for the game or cheered you on for years from the sidelines? Or maybe it was the one who finally convinced you that it was okay to love without being afraid. It's quite possible that it was the one who told you to never let anyone treat you the way they ended up treating you. And then, suddenly, they were gone.
Whomever it was, it hurt. Didn't it? It hurt when they gave up and quit putting forth the effort to make things work, and they left you feeling broken and all alone trying to figure out if you would ever have the strength to pick up even the first piece of life to start putting it back together again. They did what was best for them and what made them feel good at the moment and did not even consider your heartache, confusion, and devastation. They took the route that seemed more pleasurable for them at the time, yet they didn't care that it quickly turned into a whole lot of turmoil for you.
At times you wish you never would have even known them. You regret ever allowing yourself to get so close just for them to leave you feeling so empty. And now you're determined to never let anyone make you feel that way again, so you feel like the only way to prevent that is to shut yourself off from everyone. And that is exactly what I did.
Even now, years after my heart was first betrayed, I still struggle with trust issues. I still get a sudden rush of panic when my I feel my heart starting to get attached to someone. It's hard to allow yourself to love someone when so many people in your past have suddenly decided that they do not to love you anymore.
I know what you've gone through, and I know how you feel. I know what it is like to feel like you're not good enough, and I wish someone who had experienced the same pain I was going through would have grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, "This is not your fault. I've been there. I know it hurts. But, sister, you will be okay."
Because there were days I didn't know if I would be.
For anyone that is currently struggling with the crushing feeling of betrayal, I am sincerely sorry. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy because it is the deepest sorrow I have ever felt. While the experiences of betrayal were some of the hardest times in my life, I look back grateful for the lessons I learned during that time, and I hope, one day, you can say the same.
You can get through this if you choose to allow it to make you better. While you can never change the heart of the person who betrayed you, you can work on your own. I found that, even though it was hard, making myself pray for that person helped ease some of the hard feelings I had towards them.
I also looked to God during this time, and He gave me more peace than I could imagine when I stayed focused on Him and His word. I mean, out of all of the people who walked the earth, I believe Jesus can relate the most to the feeling of betrayal. His own followers rejected and denied Him, yet He died for them. He even died for those that hung Him on the cross. And the thought of His perfect, selfless love has given me the courage to show that same love to others.
It's okay to be angry and upset when someone who betrays you, but you can't stay there forever. There comes a time when healing must occur and you have to come to terms with the situation. You may not be able to change their mind and you may not be able to convince them to come back to you, but you must forgive and not let it keep you from loving. You can't let the mistake of that person keep you from moving forward and loving others. Don't be afraid to love or you will miss out on so much.
I'm sure every person reading this has experienced betrayal at some point in their life. And I bet, if we're being honest, that many of us have betrayed someone we loved because we are imperifect people. But I want to encourage you because there is hope, and you will eventually feel like yourself again. Right your wrongs and ask Jesus to help you with forgiveness. Ask Jesus to allow your heart to love again. Ask Him to help you accept love and to not be afraid of it.
