I couldn't sleep that night.
It's hard to explain why I couldn't sleep that night. I had a strange feeling that my life was about change. Not for the better, for the worse.
At 4 a.m., my life changed forever, and I felt apart of me slip away. A part of me changed forever, and my heart was broken by two words spoken by my father.
"She's gone."
I felt my heart stop and tears filled my eyes as I had flashbacks and my heart broke into pieces. I knew this was coming, but I didn't know how soon it would be that I would have to say goodbye.
Hearing my mother cry was the hardest thing I've ever heard while sitting in my college bed in my dorm trying not to cry and wake up my roommate, who, I learned later was awake the whole time.
When I hung up, it hit me all at once like a bolder. My grandmother, one of the strongest people I knew, passed away from cancer. There were many emotions I felt that night: anger, sadness and peace. I was angry, angry at myself that I never went home the weekend before she passed and saw her alive once more.
I felt sadness that she was gone. That I never got to hear her voice or hear her laugh one last time. But I was at peace knowing that she died knowing she was loved and surrounded by the people she adored.
I wanted to take this time to thank my grandmother for everything. We may have fought sometimes, but I am so grateful for you. You've taught me how to drive (with the help of others). When my first boyfriend broke my heart, you got me ice cream. You were at every performance my sisters and I did. And it will be a huge change now that you're no longer here.
I promise to keep pushing myself to become a music educator and I will look after my mom, dad and sisters. I promise to make you proud and I won't give up, I promise. And I will look after your cat and keep your memory alive.
Thank you for everything. I'm glad you're at peace. I will always carry you in my heart and wherever I go. And I know that you will be watching up there with your husband and the rest of the gang.
Rest in peace, Grandma. Thank you for everything.
Till we meet again,
I love you so much
Your grand-daughter
