Dear Finals Week Professors

Dear finals week professors,

My relationship with you has been nothing short of a massive heartbreak. Exhausted, caffeinated, and breathless, you have left my soul in the cold to die. I don't mean to be dramatic but the truth must come out. I'm just going to say what we're all thinking, what all my peers seem scared to tell you: you guys are excessive, clingy, and simply insane.

Back in September, you vowed to be faithful. You told me that if I was diligent over the next few months you would be there for me. You said finals would be warm, welcoming, and encouraged me to remain smiling.

So I have worked hard. I have spent all my additional free time in the library focused, motivated, and not in the least bit suicidal. I wish I could say the same thing now, 98 days after that beloved syllabus week. Back then, our relationship looked promising. I spent extra enthusiasm color-coding my notes so you would know I cared; so you would recognize my sincerity. I wanted to show I'd committed time, effort, and vigilance to you and you alone. I never threw other professors in your face. I was faithful. When I was with you I was only with you. But over the course of time you have expected far too much from me. You have assigned work every day, lied about the materials on the exam, and changed the final to in-class rather than take-home. You're clingy, inconsiderate, and frankly we need space. I've tried to reignite the spark we were both vibing not a long time ago but that glimmer is far gone. You need to understand that I cannot live my life in a bubble. I do not want to be surrounded by you everywhere I turn. Your papers and assignments line my walls and stuff my pillow case. It is too much and I cannot handle it anymore.

I want to break up, clear my conscious, and I want to move on. In doing so I must be straight and state the obvious.

I've been seeing other professors.

That's right, you're not my only one. I did not want to say it but now the truth is out. The other credits I have been calling on behind your back crave my attention as well. The devotion I gave you was also shared with another.

I am sorry you have to find out this way but I am leaving you. I wish you would exonerate me from your engrossing grip. Maybe someday in the distant future we can try again, but not today.

I wish you luck with your other students and I hope they can give you what I couldn't.

Sincerely,

The student third desk from the exit.