My final question to Eva Bruno was “What do you think of as the most important things someone should know about you and your life?” and she responded with “I don’t know, nothing really...” but from my stand point and after interacting for hours, I could name a million things that people would be grateful to know about my dear Eva.
Eva Bruno is a 93-year-old, Caucasian female, born on October 23rd of 1922, who resides in The Terrace at Woodland assisted living home on 8299 Turin Rd, Rome, NY. I was able to have this connection at the facility because my older sister just so happens to be the director of the activity department. I was able to interact with Eva for several hours out of a day and accompany her to her basic routine that she would follow, as if it was another normal day for her.
Eva is considered (under the intergenerational diversity scale) the “oldest old” within the population, Eva being 93. What’s interesting to acknowledge is that even Eva being considered as “oldest old”, her functional abilities are tremendous compared to the others residing in her community. Eva is actively aging. Her sensory and perpetual processes are astounding, although she claims she had a hard time seeing. Her lack of vision never stopped her from being mobile or optimistic to a certain extent. Referring to her health status, she did make me note that she had been in about 16 operations throughout her lifetime, four of which were for her vision.
She never was clear on what exactly the operations were for besides her eyes, but in her defense there is no need to dwell because her abilities were prodigious. She does need and own a walker and she walks at her own pace, but in my eyes her abilities are remarkable. She is able to perform Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) and Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs). She can walk, bathing herself, shop for herself, deal with her own finances and so forth. Eva clearly proves to everyone she is just fine in an assisted living facility rather than a Nursing Home, a place that she hates to even ruminate.
There came a point in Eva’s life where she did have to stay in a nursing home for a few months which actually turned into a few weeks due to the repugnant circumstances of the staff. Eva broke her arm and had no choice but to be placed into a nursing home facility until she met the requirements of the healing process ordered by The Terrace at Woodland. Eva’s sheets were not being changed, the nurses would ignore her when she buzzed them and they would also give her attitude as if she was being bothersome.
Because Eva has such a strong support system, they were able to get her out of there and back to the assisted living care after they found out there the nursing home wasn’t fulfilling their duties as the staff. After about three weeks of staying, she had her grandson who is a lawyer take care of the situation and help her get out to finish her rehabilitation process at the assisted living care, where she would hire extra bedside care to assist her. Although Eva’s quality of life was tainted, she soon would recover as she always has. I like to think that her strong mental senses gets her through a lot of the obstacles she had to face.
“What’s your relationship to your family?” I asked and with an assertive, brisk tone and Eva replies “Excellent!” as if she was waiting for me to ask. She did not ever have any kids but her brothers and sisters did whom she treated as her own. A key to successful aging is having a strong support system where for Eva that is her family. Unfortunately, both Eva’s mother and father passed away years ago. Her father passed from “the obstruction of the bowels” and her mother passed from “appendicitis.” Even her 4 other siblings passed away (for reasons of which she didn’t speak of or avoided). She was the last one standing within her immediate family. As Eva let me take a step in her room to see what her living situation looks like, I also got to see hundreds of pictures of her big beautiful Italian family that made sure Grandma Eva knew how important she was to them. After seeing all the pictures, it led me to the question of “Are you married?”
Eva is widowed by her husband Joseph DeGrazio. They were together for 66 years happily until he unfortunately passed. Her favorite thing to mention about him was how “lovable” he was. She told me how when he was 18 he went away for the military and once he got back they married, which was in 1945. Her wedding was one of her most favorite memories to speak of. She even smiled when she spoke of it. She even mentioned how right after their wedding together they made a big transition to move upstairs of her husband’s parents’ house. It needed a lot of work but they wanted nothing more than to start their life together. He was a Traffic Control Officer and worked at Revere so they had a decent income from the start.
The death of her husband did hit home, and she misses him ever so much but for some reason she is not vulnerable to the type of grief that can break her down. Eva has dealt with a cumulative impact of loss, and she enumerates how she apprehends loss frequently by the people within her community but she almost has become numb to the issue and she continues to move forward. Her ability to carry on shows how the continuity theory is applied to Eva’s life. She can adapt to any deterrent thrown at her and be able to simply progress through life. The fact that the losses of her loved ones does not enable her well-being shows Eva has a long road ahead of her because she clearly will not let these events get the best of her.
Eva attended all four years of high school and it so happened to be the same high school that I went to! She then went on to six months of a “business college”. I asked her what her favorite subject was and she thought for a minute and replies with “I don’t know…everything!” I smiled. Eva had what looked like a hard time saying anything negative about her past experiences, at this point in the conversation I began to realize she was simply this open-minded woman who was grateful for anything and everyone in her life. She went on to emphasize her love for art and how in her free time she still draws as much as she can, trying to keep herself busy with the activities that give her an escape and creativity.
Eva claimed her grades were “eh, average.” With her “average” grades she still went on and pursued everything she wanted to. She began her first job as a teenager at Walgreens (which is a grocery store in Rome) and she worked the “cigarette counter.” She worked several other jobs throughout her lifetime like being a waitress and the restaurant The Soda Fountain then she worked at a few department stores up until she reached the job at which she would retire from.
Her last job was working at Griffis Air Base which was popular during the time it was active. She was a clerk at the base then eventually went on to be a “typist” also identified as a secretary. When the base closed down for its main purposes they got rid of majority of the undesired employee’s but luckily Eva got to stay. She transitioned into an X-ray technician at the hospital on base. It was an extraordinary transition to say the least but she adjusted well. Eva explained how they created this job for her and eventually over time Eva created more functions of the job itself and that’s when it became permanent. By Eva creating more of these functions it made it so there were more available jobs for other people as well. This was interesting to me that they could simply just create a job for someone with no experience in the medical field other than some training. Nowadays you need at least 8 years of schooling to make it in the medical field, Eva took a 6 week course.
After 25 years of working as an X-ray tech Eva got transferred to the fuel office where she would go back to being a typist and in about 10 more years she said she finally retired. Having to retire didn’t effect Eva negatively, she told me she was “Glad!” to retire. She claimed she was a “homebody” and she wanted more time for herself to cook and travel. She surely fulfilled both of those activities. Eva had been to Italy over 10 times with her husband to visit his family who she adores and spoke highly of.
What I think Eva is depending on financially is her social security, although she mentioned at one point she lost it (for reasons that she mumbled). I never repeated a question to Eva so she didn’t feel as if I was just concerned about just getting my questions answered, so to make the interview flow I simply let her speak at her own pace and desires. She retired early and her husband was still working so they prepared a decent foundation for themselves to survive on with their satisfactory jobs. Eva wasn’t considered wealthy but she definitely wasn’t considered poor, her socioeconomic status was in the middle. She was raised during the depression years so she was exposed to sacrifice and struggle as a child but that struggle taught her the work ethic she had as an adult.
Eva’s favorite activities consisted of swimming. She loved to swim as much as she could throughout her adolescence but she never had her own pool which did not bother her. Her imagination was vivid enough to relive her best memories as if she was really there. She also told me how she was a part of a group named the “Gal’s club” made of about 200 women. It was a club for middle aged women to get together and socialize once a week and get breakfast/lunch/dinner and attend an entertainment based event that day. One time on their weekly outing they had a karate instructor come and teach the women some techniques, she said it was hysterical. We were both laughing.
“Why aren’t you asking me more about this place, don’t you want to know about this place?!” Eva asked. I giggled, “We aren’t there yet but tell me what you’d like me to know about this place!” with a grin I replied. Eva has been residing at The Terrace at Woodland for 4 years now. She began to tell me about her favorite aspect of living in the assisted living facility which was “the people that waited on her.” She said that the employees were caring and energetic enough to keep her there. She says how the workers will go out of their way for the residents and make sure they feel safe. It’s a small facility which is better for the resident to feel the mutual sense of security. I asked if she had made any friends at the facility and she said “No, they aren’t on my level, they can’t communicate.” From what I could see by looking around the facility I noticed a lot of grumpy elders who were mean and pessimistic.
They would be bossy towards other residents and employees and take their anger out whenever and wherever they please. Eva was not like that, she kept to herself and observed her community which told me what she really meant when she said no one was on her level. Eva was one of the oldest residents in the facility but she had such an understanding and calm presence about her compared to everyone else you wouldn’t even think so. At this point in the interview the owner of the facility walks in and announces “The mayor!” looking at Eva and Eva replies with “Wade!” and they both laughed. Apparently the owner refers to Eva as the “mayor” or the “ambassador” because everyone knew how knowledgeable and in charge she was. In the front of the building there sat a box with a label saying “Suggestions” on it where residents or even employees could submit an anonymous slip suggesting improvements the facility could do to improve the environment.
The only one who would participate was my dear Eva. She even would write her name to let them know who it was that wanted this change, and Wade (the owner) always made sure he took care of her suggestions. Her suggestions were always simple quirks Wade could make too, like adding a hand sanitizer dispenser outside of the bathrooms or the option of getting a funded flu shot for the facility. Things that were realistic and beneficial for the whole community, especially Eva.
Eva loved the meals she ate there, she said they were “well balanced” and they worked around everyone’s diet. Eva is always concerned with her health so she makes sure she walks a mile before dinner every day, over time she has noticed others following her same routine. There is another instance where Eva feels as if people are copying her and it’s at dinner time where this other male resident will literally do as Eva does, following every move almost as if he’s mimicking her. She act as if she doesn’t realize what he’s doing but she does, so she said how she does “silly” things to see what he would do. She just laughs at this.
I connected my experiences at The Terrace at Woodland to the feminist theory. I saw a difference in men and women and their aging process based on the men that Eva described to me and the men I met there myself. I could tell that majority of the men in the facility could clearly take care of themselves but their actions were far more obscure than most of the women. They were unable to have decent communication skills. Some of the men were perverted, some didn’t speak, some would emulate Eva, and it was all very interesting.
Most of the women would somewhat communicate but the ones I spoke to or observed were just generally negative. One women came into the room I was first speaking to Eva in and she kept interrupting and asking me about my astrological sign and characteristics of my sign. When I looked at Eva’s reaction she just rolled her eyes and said “Let’s go to my room where it’s quieter.” Eva as well as my sister explained that the women talking about astrology only talks about astrology over and over again. I also met another women who just drinks champagne all day and gets belligerently intoxicated then gets angry towards everyone in the facility. It is almost sad to watch, but that’s another life story I know nothing about.
I asked Eva how she deals with getting new nurses or caregivers (for example, new employee’s that would help her when needed) and she said she secretly trains them herself. I did not understand why she would need to or have to train anyone so Eva elaborated with an example. She told me a story how one time Eva had to shower and a nurse was helping her and when Eva went in the shower/bathroom the nurse shut the door (most likely to give her privacy) but apparently that is not protocol. So Eva told her sternly to “never shut that door again” and the nurse respectively listened. She told me how most new nurses have no clue what they’re doing so she tried to help as much as she can because the nurses will listen to her. The involvement Eva shares a pattern of the optimal age theory which is how an elder will stay active and how they maintain it. There are several things Eva does to remain active and helping the employee’s is one of them. Other elders would just deal with improper care because they feel they do not have a voice. Eva knows she has a voice and she still uses it.
A potential soft spot I may have hit with Eva was by asking her about a negative aspect in her life. She finally showed me some disenfranchised grief over the fact that she will be in the assisted living home for the rest of her life and she will never be able to handle living alone again. She is only as mobile as walking on a single leveled building and she has trouble seeing but she has accepted it more than anything. She is accustomed to the notions of aging and death because she has seen nothing but it for 93 years.
Eva also saw staying in the facility as positive aspect because she had a plan rather no plan at all. She told me a story that I would say made her very happy since she brought it up herself full of smiles. There was a women that used to be her neighbor until she passed a few months ago. She told me it was the women’s 95th birthday and her entire family came to the assisted living home and threw her a party with tons of food and presents and it clearly brought joy to the women as well as the other residents. Three days exactly that same women fell and broke her hip then she passed away two days after the fall while in the hospital. Eva said this was an “act from god.” She felt that after the women experienced that big party with her entire family she believed it was her time to say goodbye which is why she passed and did not fight longer. It caught my surprise that those words were coming out of Eva’s mouth but it was eye opening. In the Sociology of Aging we learned in about the ideas that elders may pass when they feel it is the right time and it was interesting that Eva was aware. Eva was full of little coincidences.
A few of my favorite things Eva told me was how being with her husband as long as she was molded her into the person she is today. She is extremely grateful for the love her gave her and the fact that he was always there for her as much as he was. She knows she was loved and that’s what makes her life now okay. She told me the things she most proud of are the things she’s done for other people like knitting and cooking. This is where Eva and I connected. Doing for others make us the most happy, you feel useful which is a very great feeling that Eva and I strive to feel every day. I even asked her if she could do her life over what would she do differently and she plainly said “be more gracious to other people.” She went on to tell me how she understands that people always want to be doing more with their life, or feel as if they’re missing out but one can only do so much. That was the best part of the interview. Eva always had an intuitive answer or an explanation to things that are sometimes hard to define but it always made sense. She may have been teaching me more than I had anticipated.
“Eva what is the last thing you do before you fall asleep every night?” Eva says “I try to get my head blank.” Her answer touched me. Eva being 93, she has seen and heard a lot in her lifetime and I cannot imagine the things that must cross her mind. She is the most mentally and physically independent 93-year-old I have ever had the honor of meeting. Her disposition inspires me to be a better person. I learned a lot about life from Eva and made me look at aging as a positive rather negative natural ideology.
No matter how life may try to create setbacks, it is critical that one stays positive through the thick and the thin in order to move forward successfully and I thank Eva for showing me that. Eva has been through a lot during her 93 years but she makes every day a positive experience despite all the kinds of loss she has dealt with. I think it would be great for more young adults like myself to engage in conversation with our elders because they are the only ones who have the most experience with life and how to manage it.
