Dear Guy Who Ruined Me Emotionally,

I hope you don’t see this because I don’t want you to be upset. Actually, who am I kidding, I’m posting this on a public website and I hope that if you get around to reading this, you’ll understand where I am coming from.

I know that in our relationship it wasn’t just your fault. However, that’s what all victims of an emotionally abusive relationship think. They think it was their fault or that if they would have done something differently then it would have worked out, but the fact is that it wasn’t my fault at all, it was completely, and utterly, all your fault.

I spent countless hours throwing up and having anxiety attacks after arguments. I spent countless hours after we broke up trying to figure out why I am so controlling and manipulative. Before you, I never once felt the need to ask everyone if I was good enough. After you I became anxious when other people would be upset with me, and when I was with you I was so frustrated all the time that I ruined my relationship with some of my close friends. I thought that maybe they just didn’t understand. They didn’t understand that I was hurting, but I didn’t realize that you were making me a monster.

I always knew that you were broken. I thought that if I could fix you that it would make everything better, but naive me forgot that we are all young, still growing, and could all use a little fixing. Maybe you thought I was broken and you could fix me and we just butt heads in the middle, but in the end, I couldn’t fix you, and you only broke me more.

Moreover, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for teaching me I can’t trust everyone. Thank you for making me realize that I can love even when I know that someone else can’t. Thank you for making me learn how to become a better person by always being the bigger person. Thank you for making me feel so comfortable around you, but most of all, thank you for tearing me down.

Although we didn’t work through it together, I now know what I deserve, so thank you for that.

I deserve someone who is confident in not just themselves, but in me. I deserve someone who never stops loving me even if we become a bit distant. I deserve someone who doesn’t get angry at me, for being angry at them, and instead tries to fix it or understand my side of the story. Basically, I deserve someone who listens.

Maybe we could have worked things out, but I know you’re struggling too, and putting two struggling people together is probably not the best choice. You’re probably going to see this and get mad, but I don’t care. We can have a nice, friendly conversation and I now know to be careful what I say around you, which I will do because that’s what you taught me to do, and because I will always care. I don’t hate myself for that anymore.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Is Ruined, But Slowly Fixing Herself