Dear Crushes that I have had/still have and will never know that I like you,

Here are a few things I have questions about and would like you to know.

How dare you? How dare you be so charming and intriguing and just utterly amazing? How dare you consume my every thought? How do you do it? Why me? Why did you have to simultaneously ruin, yet make my life better? There's is one thing I don't have a question about and that is, I for sure caught the feels.

You've turned me into such a creep. You know those moments when you cyber stalk your favorite attractive celebrity on like Instagram or Facebook? Yeah, well, I do that with you. I hope your trip to Las Vegas in 2008 was great with your Aunt Carol. How's your cousin's cat, Greg The Great, doing? I don't even know why I do this. What the heck. What magic do you have over me that makes me so into you? You are literally just another human being, yet you are on a whole different level of amazing to me.

Stop it. How dare you be so charismatic when you (don't) know that I like you so much? Ugh. It's like every time you just breathe or something, you get more likable. What even is that? Like so what you scrunch your face when you laugh? Plenty people do it, so why does it look so much cuter when you do it? You got me actin' and feeling like a fool. I get so much more awkward around you. I'm already an awkward person, so yeah, I was doomed from the start, but why you gotta make it worse for me? You got me feeling the symptoms that Eminem raps about: "Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy."

I try to get over you. Really I have. So many times. I've tried the denial route too, trust me. I pretend I don't even notice your existence. However, somehow you just reel me back in. Stop it. What are you a fisherman? Let me free.

Did you know? The recommended amount of water to drink is about two liters a day, but you got me needing to drink like a gallon or two a day because you make me so damn thirsty for you. Maybe I should start drinking the soda brand Crush. At least I can crush those crushes (cans).

Just for a reference. Let's go to Urban Dictionary to see what it means to have a crush. "A crush is the most painful thing you could ever endure in your life other than someone breaking your heart ... Oh wait, they're the same thing." You hear that? PAIN. It's so painful to like you and knowing you'll never even know. Let me go from your beautiful hold. Please and thank you.

(by my feelings for you.)

Want to know another annoying thing? No? Well too bad, this is my letter. The thing is that I genuinely want you to be with someone as beautiful, loving, funny and just amazing as you, but I also just want you to be with me so ... Do you see my problem? It kills me when you are in a relationship with other people. Especially if they are equally beautiful and cute for you. Dang it. Could you guys not be perfect together so you can be with me? (But like I am also rooting for you guys. Just with some hate.)

OK but also thank you. So I know I'm talking a lot of about how terrible it is to like you, but I would also like to thank you. You are living proof that I do have feelings and that I am not a heartless robot. You keep me on my toes and give me something to look forward to. Even if we are never going to be together, it's an amazing, yet horrible, but mostly amazing feeling to have a crush. The warm fuzzies and the jitter butterflies in the stomach keep me feeling alive. The rush I get from seeing or speaking to you is indescribable. So your godly charm is appreciated, despite how much I want you to stop putting me in your weird trance.

I guess in the end, what I'm basically trying to tell you is that...

Sincerely,

The one you've got all messed up.