College is a tricky time, this is clear. It's common knowledge. At first, it's new and merry and sensational, and you're just so relieved that you survived four brutal years of high school. But, like every new experience in life, college comes with its challenges and road blocks, and these are the trying times when you have to grow up a little and use all of those critical thinking skills you learned in grade school.
I experienced a roadblock recently. I knew it was coming but the knowledge didn't prepare me to face it head on. "You have to take action." "You've got to figure something out." "You'll have to work harder than you ever have before if you want to continue to attend this school." A professor gave it to me straight: if I'm having such a tough time in a class that is crucial to my musical education and my career as a musician, I need to seriously reconsider why I'm at Berklee.
This hit me harder than anything anyone has ever said to me.
Music theory has never been one of my strong suits. In high school, I didn't have the option of taking a theory class. I figured that when I got to Berklee, it wouldn't matter, I would just start at the first level like every other freshman. It turned out that so many students already knew so much about theory and I felt like a fish out of water. Sure, I knew the very basics of theory, but that wasn't good enough. I was behind in several areas of the subject that my fellow students seemed to have already mastered.
Backing up a bit, I remember the day I was accepted to Berklee. I was sitting in a quiet study hall, on a computer checking my email. It was early December, only nine days after my audition, and I was feeling pretty positive about it. I had tried to put it out of my mind since I figured I wouldn't hear back from the school until late January. I had applied early action. Sitting in my email that morning at 10:00 was a message from Berklee admissions. My eyes went straight to the subject line: Your decision is ready.
I could feel my heart in my throat. I couldn't swallow. My whole body began to shake and I quickly texted my mother. She didn't believe me, but when she realized that the decision for me to go to the best music school in the world had already been made, she drove straight to Marblehead High School so we could open the email together.
As they say, the rest is history.
Berklee turned out to be very different from how I pictured it. The competitive vibe, the thirst to know everything about songwriting and the ins and outs of the business...it all hit me very quickly. On many occasions, I questioned why I was even there. I kept going back to that day that I opened the acceptance email and remembered the screams, the joy, the tears, and the praise from family and friends. I'm constantly presented with small reminders as to why I do what I do. When I write a lyric that makes my heart stop, or I sing along to a song playing on the radio at work and a customer says, "Wow, do you sing?"
No matter what, it's alright to be confused. College is the time to learn about who you are, so don't give up on yourself. Breathe and remember what your true desires and passions are in life. You'll never truly fail if you always keep those in mind and close to your heart.
