To the girl with the broken heart,
Times get tough, especially for someone who feels as deeply as you. It always seems that nothing goes right, no matter what you do, it’s never going to be enough. You sit up all night crying behind closed doors, asking yourself what did you do wrong this time because you have it in your mind that it’s all your fault. So, when the next time comes around you try even harder to be what you believe is who you are supposed to be to deserve the love that you are looking for. And you will find a new guy, who sweeps you off your feet and he’s amazing and was worth the pain that you have gone through. He charms you with that smile, his laugh, his jokes, the compliments, and the late-night conversations. Everything seems perfect and you can’t believe how happy you are, you’ve put your all into this one just like the last. You give him what he asks and you think you’re getting what you need in return; sometimes you give too much, but sadly you never realize or regret it until the damage is done.
Suddenly there’s a slight change, the messages stop coming every minute, they turn into hours. But you don’t say anything because you don’t want to ruin it like you always do, by jumping to those conclusions, by overreacting and overthinking. You and he make the same excuse, “he’s busy,” you tell yourself this to comfort your fear and he tells you this because it’s the easiest way out and he knows you’ll believe it. All because you feel so deeply with that beautiful big heart of yours.
This goes on for a while and becomes the norm, when you think things are going well, another wall is there to knock you down. Those hourly texts turn into days, your fear has returned and you start to panic inside. You see him liking other girl’s pictures and you compare your beauty to theirs; though you are upset on the inside you tell yourself that’s natural, “she’s so beautiful compared to me.” You sit down and be quiet because you don’t want to ruin what you’ve got.
He begins to make up all these excuses as to why you don’t talk anymore, as in why he can’t make time for you. Now you sit in your bed and overthink, “what did I do wrong this time?” “Did I overly text, was I clingy, am I too ugly?” You never question if the problems not you but him, all because you have a big heart and see the best in everyone. And this continues till one day he can tell you he’s no longer interested, till he ignores you for days on end, till you finally break down and question him. That swept off your feet feeling you got in the beginning was just him knocking your legs out from underneath you. There you sit on the cold ground, crying, and crying, already having forgiven him for the damage he’s caused but not yourself. You question yourself: “When will I be happy?” Sometimes you finally come to the decision that you’re not meant to have happiness and you willingly accept this as you plaster a smile on your face until the time that you’re alone behind closed doors with yet again a broken heart that has truly never healed and you drown in your tears.
You feel that no one knows your pain, but I do because you’re me and I am you. What is written here is my never-ending story. Dear girl with the continuously broken heart, you’re enough, just the way you are and you are beautiful inside in out. One day someone will realize that, but you must do it first, and it’s going to be tough. But what you don’t realize is you and your beautiful big heart with all its flaws makes you stronger than you know.
From the girl with the continuously broken heart
