Dear Biological Dad,
You will never believe the pain I have experienced ever since the day I had to go to the police and report what you did. I hate that I even have to think about it, let alone tell people what happened when they ask, or hear your name.
As I grow up, I'm not sure if I'll invite you to all my accomplishments like graduating college or my wedding. Of course I'd want you there, but I'm not ready to try at a relationship again.
I'm put in a situation where I feel bad that things happened the way they did; I want you in my life but I have to think logically. I shouldn't talk to you, I shouldn't accept what happened, and I shouldn't feel bad for not wanting you around or in my life.
I want to change my name because it reminds me of you and I don't feel like I am a "Cariker," but that's the name I was born with, that's who I've always been and I'll feel horrible if I change it, but I don't talk to you or have any relationship with you.
I care about you, it's just hard to care about someone who clearly doesn't care about you. Actions speak louder than words.
I suffer every day because of what happened between us. I was seeing three counselors at one time. You were my whole life, I thought about it every day, and now I can't stop. I'll close my eyes and what you did replays in my head, it's the scariest thing I've ever seen. You made me feel like my life wasn't worth living.
I wake up everyday and tell myself that I'm worth it, and I thank God I wake up. When it was happening I was ready to give up, and give in to your offer, it destroys me that I ever had to be that low.
I wish we would have had a better relationship but I do appreciate what you did for me while we still had our relationship. I don't want you to ever think I hate you, because I don't. I just hate what you did, it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. I will live with that moment everyday of my life, and I'll never be able to take it back.
I wish you the best on wherever life takes you and I hope you get the help you need.
In the end, it's your loss, not mine.
Sincerely,
Tiffany
