Dear 15-year-old me,
This past summer I’ve been a supervisor for a group of teens ranging from the ages 13-15 who are getting ready to start their high school careers. Working with them has put me in a nostalgic state, and made me remember being a freshman eager to survive high school. As this summer comes to a close, I can’t help but want to leave them with advice that I feel will best equip them with things they should know during this confusing phase of life. So here are five major tips I would tell myself at fifteen.
Dear 15-year-old Frankie,
1. School actually matters
High school for me was a joke in more ways than one. Although I was a bright student, homework was never, and still isn’t, something I wanted to spend my time on. Academics, along with extra curricular activities, really does go a long way. The two combined opens your eyes to different places and people and shows you how large the world really is. Even though I wasn’t a straight-A student, I worked at a non-profit, did community organizing and traveled to so many places on service trips before I was eighteen. These experiences opened my eyes and quickly helped me realize where I could go and the things I could do. Clearly, these things don’t fully determine character, but they do prepare you for time management and organization for your future jobs where at times you will be expected to take work home. Go figure.
2. Find what you love, and love it unapologetically.
As much as I love sports, I was not and am not an athlete. Luckily for me, I had friends who helped me to discover that art along with community organizing was and still is my passion. If you love something, no matter what it is, you can and should love it from the bottom of your heart. For the longest time, I was convinced that I had to be a doctor, but thankfully my chemistry teacher helped me realize art was my passion. The sooner you let yourself love what you fully love, the sooner you can work on your craft, whatever it may be, and get to where you wish to go
3. Relationships Don’t Solve Problems
High school sweethearts are super rare, and if that happens in your life, then congrats! As for the rest of us, relationships this early will do nothing for you but distract you from some of the things that are really hurting you. This was super true for me especially at fifteen. That was the year I had a lot of personal things going on within my family and I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, so I turned to a guy that I thought would be my world. Huge mistake. The both of us dealt with similar things and never really talked about it because we didn’t know how and as a result we both learned to cope with it in different ways. On top of that, I was super needy because I needed him to love me because I didn’t know that it was possible for me to love myself. Relationships aren’t about being accomplishing social media’s relationship goals. If you choose to be with someone and they don’t help you grow, or, if you don’t fully love yourself then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. This rings true for people of all ages.
4. Your parents actually want to help, I swear
At fifteen, I was convinced that my parents were totally against me, but in reality, I realized that my parents were trying their hardest to hold on to the little girl that they knew. This is a vital time for change in any teen's life. You are learning and trying new things, and as much as it's hard to listen to your parents, they’re actually on your side. My mother and I fought a lot because I was trying really hard to not be the person that she wanted me to be simply because I felt like she was choosing who I should become. In reality, she was pushing me to be the person she knew I was destined to be. Had I listened to my mom more, I would’ve stayed away from certain people, bought better clothes, and saved a ton of money from tattoo removal. At the end of the day, your parents love you, and they want to be included in your change.
5. Be Yourself
Before I entered High School, I heard a Audre Lorde quote that said: “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” Oddly enough, that one quote stayed with me (and still does) and helped remind me that I define who I am. In high school, it's so easy to follow a crowd, or to let people put you in a box, but be the person you know you want to become. This was the one thing I didn’t struggle with in high school. Once I found my interest and the people who believed in my passions and the person I was trying to become, I had no problem working on me. You can ask anyone that I went to high school with that four years later I’m still the weird and warm-hearted girl that has gauges and loves art. That will always be me. I am one of a kind, and I embrace that.
