I have spent so many years begrudgingly accepting you as a part of my past, a part of me. I had been so begrudging that we can even say that I hated you. I grew up embarrassed of who I once was, and I know somewhere deep down I may always be, but I want it to be the embarrassment of accidentally saying the wrong answer proudly in class, than that of of your pants falling off during a live television broadcast. One thing I have spent these past few years forgetting is the crucial fact that you are me. You were me. All that I am. Everything I've been through has once gone through you too. So here's a letter to you, kid.

I am going to first state something you will find very hard to believe, but, you'll get it through to yourself one day. The world is not out to get you. You are not some rare species that is the last of it's kind. Yes, you are unique, but there are others like you out there. You're not a dying breed. You just simply haven't been able to see more than the walls of your house and junior high school. You will meet others like you, and realize that you aren't the outcast that you think you are. I know that's hard to believe. It seems everyday the insults thrown at you are getting worse and more personal. You're trying everything you can to be an unadulterated version of yourself. You're shouting it at the rooftops and doing all in your power to scream "this is me". From the outrageous outfits, to the rather non metaphorical screaming "this is who I am!!", you want the world to accept you, but that war in the mirror isn't going to win itself. How can we scream "this is me" when everything we see in our reflection screams "I want to die"?

This center of attention spotlight is only adding more wounds that we have inflicted on ourselves emotionally, and well, also physically, but don't lose faith. Keep that fight and fire strong. You will find the perfect balance of being yourself and loving yourself. It'll be a long time and a very difficult battle, but you'll learn to see yourself as the beautiful, one-of-a-kind, sweet person that everyone who cares about you sees. It will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it now. 8th grade was beyond hell on the social spectrum of things, you crawled so far into anime and roleplaying that you're not even sure if you can get out. Let alone want to get out. That world has always seemed better than this boring one, right? I'll let you in on a little secret though. You can be the protagonist of your own slice-of-life anime, and be able to make a difference just like all of those grand shows and mangas you have seen. It may not involve the supernatural or the fantastical, but it'll still be something magnificent.

You just have to believe, and find a way to make your reality something worth staying in. Right now that doesn't seem that case, with being bullied, dealing with a rather unstable home life, and you witnessing a possible divorce between the only thing that's kept you sane, I understand why you do the things you do. Why you hurt the ways you do. You are a blank canvas trying to make sense of its self. It's own existence and vulnerability. You want to scream to the world you are you, and you are hurting. You may find ways that my 21 year old self may find embarrassing and childish now, but you were 13 and there was no other way for you to deal. That's alright. The world will come to understand that's exactly what you were doing, and that is also alright. Those that won't are those that can't move past their own lives, and always make others miserable, so they won't matter. What will matter is that one day the pieces of life and yourself will feel like they're starting to fall into place. That dream of love, acceptance, inspiration, and stability will start to come. It's finally starting to come together for me, so trust me that the next eight years of struggle and journey towards self love is worth it.

You'll get through this, kid. You'll see the day where you are happy to wake up in the morning. You won't hate the people you are around, the school you're in, the body you're in. You'll start to love all that and more. It's going to be alright because while you think no one believes you, know that I do. I love all that you represent. A struggle of finding oneself in the most pure form that is possible. You are the art you wished to be, and while I hope I'm all that you wanted when I reached this age, I want you to know that I am proud of you.

And no one know's anyone better than themselves, right? Keep on being you, Em. The world is gonna be a brighter place one day, and it's going to be because you will be in it to make it as bright as possible.