Dealing With The Death Of A Loved One

5 Things To Remember If You've Lost A Loved One

Living without someone you love is the painful, but it won't always be this bad.

141
views

Death is hard. Waking up every morning with the knowledge that someone you loved you will never see again is so painful. I lost my basketball coach in 7th grade. We were headed to a tournament when he died of a brain aneurysm. This was my first encounter with death. I remember feeling so frightened that he was there and then completely gone forever in the next blink. Death is sudden and quick. But, the aftermath is nowhere near short.

Around two years later, I lost my dad to blood cancer. It took over six months for me to even begin processing his death.

When people would talk about him in past tense, or when they made funeral plans, I couldn't listen because understanding that I would never see my Dad again seemed more painful than his death. Shortly after, I lost my mom to perivascular issues. Losing Mom completely broke me down. Death makes life so hard to live. These experiences have been by far the most painful times in my life. Since they have all passed, I've learned so much. Here are some things I've come to find out in the aftermath.

1. Time doesn't always heal

As time goes on you do learn to live with the pain. But, living and healing are two different things. Everyone handles the aftermath of a death in different ways. The only consistent thing is that as time passes grief, is not so prominent. It doesn't consume your whole mind.

When someone gets injured the initial pain is extreme. As the wounds heal, it hurts less but is still painful and sore. But if a wound doesn't heal correctly, the injury can sustain the same initial pain. So it's important to grieve however feels correct to you. If you don't, time won't numb any pain.

2. It won't all be OK

No matter what, you will always be thinking about the person you've lost. Even on your best, happiest days, you will be hit with flashbacks that leave you reminiscing on the past. It's so common for people to say that it will all be ok and that's not true. It won't all be OK.

You can never go back to the same life after losing someone. Death will change you and you'll never be the same. It's important to know this because sometimes we wait for the moment where we will feel 100% ok again. Waiting for a moment like that is so toxic. Don't wait for a time that is never coming.

3. People love you

Your family, friends, coaches, and teammates are all in your corner. Dealing with death is nearly impossible to do alone. Don't push people away during this time. Hold on to them more than ever. The feeling of knowing someone is in your corner crying with you is paramount to healing. Being able to rant, cry, scream, or yell with someone is exactly what will help you feel better.

4. Be grateful

Death teaches you that life goes by so fast. No one knows when their time will come. Stay grateful for the people you have in your life now. Be grateful for the life you're given. When you lose someone it's important to remember that other people care and love you. Never take that for granted.

5. Ride the roller coaster

There is no cut and dry way to handle death. You can feel fine one day and be a wreck the next. You could've lost someone years and years ago, and still cry uncontrollably for them. Don't ever feel like you need to be in a certain stage at a certain time. You're right on schedule for you.

Anger. Grief. Sadness. Pain. Depression. You're going to feel it all. Everyone experiences them differently. No one will deal with loss the same. I've learned to welcome the waves of emotions I have. It makes me stronger because I know that I will never forget the people I've loved.

People tend to say clichés that are intended to make you feel better. It seems that society has set a general outline of what grieving should look like and it's not fair. Saying that it will all be ok isn't true. Hearing time will heal all wounds isn't always true. Being confident in how you grieve is so vital. It will make the healing process much easier. It's been three years since I lost my parents. And some days I feel like it was yesterday.

I've learned to lean on my people, ride the wave, be grateful, and know that there is no time frame for handling how I feel.

Popular Right Now

The Truth About Young Marriage

Different doesn't mean wrong.
105647
views

When I was a kid, I had an exact picture in my mind of what my life was going to look like. I was definitely not the kind of girl who would get married young, before the age of 25, at least.

And let me tell you, I was just as judgmental as that sentence sounds.

I could not wrap my head around people making life-long commitments before they even had an established life. It’s not my fault that I thought this way, because the majority opinion about young marriage in today’s society is not a supportive one. Over the years, it has become the norm to put off marriage until you have an education and an established career. Basically, this means you put off marriage until you learn how to be an adult, instead of using marriage as a foundation to launch into adulthood.

When young couples get married, people will assume that you are having a baby, and they will say that you’re throwing your life away — it’s inevitable.

It’s safe to say that my perspective changed once I signed my marriage certificate at the age of 18. Although marriage is not always easy and getting married at such a young age definitely sets you up for some extra challenges, there is something to be said about entering into marriage and adulthood at the same time.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

Getting married young does not mean giving up your dreams. It means having someone dream your dreams with you. When you get lost along the way, and your dreams and goals seem out of reach, it’s having someone there to point you in the right direction and show you the way back. Despite what people are going to tell you, it definitely doesn’t mean that you are going to miss out on all the experiences life has to offer. It simply means that you get to share all of these great adventures with the person you love most in the world.

And trust me, there is nothing better than that. It doesn’t mean that you are already grown up, it means that you have someone to grow with.

You have someone to stick with you through anything from college classes and changing bodies to negative bank account balances.

You have someone to sit on your used furniture with and talk about what you want to do and who you want to be someday.

Then, when someday comes, you get to look back on all of that and realize what a blessing it is to watch someone grow. Even after just one year of marriage, I look back and I am incredibly proud of my husband. I’m proud of the person he has become, and I’m proud of what we have accomplished together. I can’t wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us.

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your one true love?" — One Tree Hill
Cover Image Credit: Sara Donnelli Photography

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

My Favorite Teacher From Elementary Through High School

This teacher inspired me in way I could've never imagined at such a young.

4
views

I've had some incredible teachers while growing up. Teachers are there to help students learn and grow into a mature and knowledgeable adult. When you're a kid, you don't acknowledge this.\

When I was a little girl, I came to school with the mindset of having fun. Of course, that's not what school is about, but in elementary school teachers try and mix studies and fun together so the kids don't lose interest. In the third grade, I can't recall a single day where I wasn't excited to come to school. A big reason for that is because of my teacher, Mr. Woods.

I remember how nervous I always got as a kid when I moved up a grade and was assigned a new teacher. I had no clue what to expect and if they would like me or not. When I got to know Mr. Woods and his teaching ethic, I grew more and more comfortable in his class. He helped me grow out of any shell I was hiding behind and show my true self. I can't even begin to count the number of times he let me come to the front of the class and read all the random stories I wrote any time I wanted.

His energy and passion for his job show through every lesson he taught us, kids. I don't think I would be writing this right now if it wasn't for his motivation. As a kid, I never fully processed all he did for me. He always managed to make sure my class and I were okay. He cared about us kids, and I could never repay him for all the things he taught me, academically and as a person.

I had the pleasure of going back to my elementary school the day before my graduation for a ceremony. Kids who were graduating this year were allowed to come back and we were honored. We were shown to the elementary kids, hoping to inspire them to further their academics. On the way to the school, I was joking with my mom saying, "I was Mr. Woods' favorite kid, of course, he will love to see me back!" to which then my mom would say, "Oh please I bet he doesn't even remember your name." So when I got to the school I was excited but nervous. When the lady at the mic told the current teachers to stand up, Mr. Woods yelled for me. It was a moment for the teachers to be acknowledged, but instead, he yelled, "Hi Paige!" I visited Mr. Woods every year I could at least once, but I never thought it meant anything. That day, I saw him crying,

I know he was proud of all of us. It's because he is someone who cares about his current and past students well being. He is the epitome of a great teacher.

He cheered for me once again when I was called up individually. When I got to walk the halls one final time, he gave me the biggest hug I've ever received. I got to visit him when everything was finished and give him a gift. He asked about me, let me talk to his students. If I could go back and relive through the third grade I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Never in my life could I ever repay all that he's done for me. He helped me grow into the person I am today and pushed my passion for writing. He is absolutely incredible, and I always wish the best for him. I went through middle school and high school waiting for someone else to become my favorite teacher and while I had many good experiences, no one really compares to the impact Mr. Woods had on me. I'm forever grateful for him. I always will be.

Never take your teachers for granted, the giant majority of them just want what's best for you. Certain people touch people's hearts in different ways. Mr. Woods made an everlasting memorable impression in my life.

Related Content

Facebook Comments