5 Things To Remember If You've Lost A Loved One

5 Things To Remember If You've Lost A Loved One

Living without someone you love is the painful, but it won't always be this bad.

92
views

Death is hard. Waking up every morning with the knowledge that someone you loved you will never see again is so painful. I lost my basketball coach in 7th grade. We were headed to a tournament when he died of a brain aneurysm. This was my first encounter with death. I remember feeling so frightened that he was there and then completely gone forever in the next blink. Death is sudden and quick. But, the aftermath is nowhere near short.

Around two years later, I lost my dad to blood cancer. It took over six months for me to even begin processing his death.

When people would talk about him in past tense, or when they made funeral plans, I couldn't listen because understanding that I would never see my Dad again seemed more painful than his death. Shortly after, I lost my mom to perivascular issues. Losing Mom completely broke me down. Death makes life so hard to live. These experiences have been by far the most painful times in my life. Since they have all passed, I've learned so much. Here are some things I've come to find out in the aftermath.

1. Time doesn't always heal

As time goes on you do learn to live with the pain. But, living and healing are two different things. Everyone handles the aftermath of a death in different ways. The only consistent thing is that as time passes grief, is not so prominent. It doesn't consume your whole mind.

When someone gets injured the initial pain is extreme. As the wounds heal, it hurts less but is still painful and sore. But if a wound doesn't heal correctly, the injury can sustain the same initial pain. So it's important to grieve however feels correct to you. If you don't, time won't numb any pain.

2. It won't all be OK

No matter what, you will always be thinking about the person you've lost. Even on your best, happiest days, you will be hit with flashbacks that leave you reminiscing on the past. It's so common for people to say that it will all be ok and that's not true. It won't all be OK.

You can never go back to the same life after losing someone. Death will change you and you'll never be the same. It's important to know this because sometimes we wait for the moment where we will feel 100% ok again. Waiting for a moment like that is so toxic. Don't wait for a time that is never coming.

3. People love you

Your family, friends, coaches, and teammates are all in your corner. Dealing with death is nearly impossible to do alone. Don't push people away during this time. Hold on to them more than ever. The feeling of knowing someone is in your corner crying with you is paramount to healing. Being able to rant, cry, scream, or yell with someone is exactly what will help you feel better.

4. Be grateful

Death teaches you that life goes by so fast. No one knows when their time will come. Stay grateful for the people you have in your life now. Be grateful for the life you're given. When you lose someone it's important to remember that other people care and love you. Never take that for granted.

5. Ride the roller coaster

There is no cut and dry way to handle death. You can feel fine one day and be a wreck the next. You could've lost someone years and years ago, and still cry uncontrollably for them. Don't ever feel like you need to be in a certain stage at a certain time. You're right on schedule for you.

Anger. Grief. Sadness. Pain. Depression. You're going to feel it all. Everyone experiences them differently. No one will deal with loss the same. I've learned to welcome the waves of emotions I have. It makes me stronger because I know that I will never forget the people I've loved.

People tend to say clichés that are intended to make you feel better. It seems that society has set a general outline of what grieving should look like and it's not fair. Saying that it will all be ok isn't true. Hearing time will heal all wounds isn't always true. Being confident in how you grieve is so vital. It will make the healing process much easier. It's been three years since I lost my parents. And some days I feel like it was yesterday.

I've learned to lean on my people, ride the wave, be grateful, and know that there is no time frame for handling how I feel.

Popular Right Now

I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

11669
views

BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

How To Stick To Your New Year's Resolution This Year And Actually Lose Weight

Beat the odds and achieve your goals this year!

5
views

January is not over yet, which means it's not too late to start on your new year's resolutions. I love the idea of a fresh start-- it's a clean slate to attempt new successes and correct past failures. However, most people fail to keep to their resolutions, with 80% of people failing by February. Chances are, you've probably already broken some of yours. Why is that? Why do we all make them just to give them up so soon?

I think it's because we set unrealistic goals. One of the most common new year's resolutions is to lose weight, often with a specific number goal attached. On the first few weeks of January, the gyms are flocking with newbies eager to sign up and suddenly everyone is interested in all the weight loss program commercials on TV.

While having this goal is obviously not a bad thing, many people simply burn themselves out too quickly by over dieting and overexercising. We see all the advertising for low-calorie this and low-sugar that. "Lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks!" "Get rid of those love handles for good in 3 easy steps!" And we believe it. But the truth is, maintainable weight loss takes time.

There is no quick easy fix. Starving yourself at the beginning of January to drop those 5 pounds you gained during the holidays isn't worth it. So, how can you achieve these goals and stick to that new year's resolution? Here are my top 5 do's and dont's for how you can keep that resolution going the whole year and lose the weight in a healthy, realistic way.

1. Don’t workout every single day.

At the beginning of my fitness journey, I made this mistake. I was super motivated and wanted to go to the gym every day. First of all, this is obviously not sustainable, because, over time, I lost this beginner's high. After a few weeks, my motivation had gone downhill, I was exhausted, and it was also very hard to work out every single day with such a busy schedule.

More importantly, your body needs a break! When you are working out, especially if you are lifting weights, you are actually creating microscopic tears in the muscles. Your rest days are essential because those are the days your muscles are actually building and repairing.

2. Eat intuitively and in moderation.

While counting calories and tracking macros is good for a little while to learn the quantities your body needs, it is also important to learn how to eat intuitively. Eating intuitively is about listening to your body and its needs. You eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. It sounds simple, but it's actually a hard process because we often think we are hungry when we are not and eat past when we are full. It is also important to eat enough.

Many people cut down to the bare minimum of 1200 calories and believe that it's the key to losing weight. The truth is, every individual has a unique body structure and metabolism, so consulting a professional or doing some calculations to figure out what your own body needs is crucial. If you lose the weight too fast, it's not healthy or maintainable.

You are depriving your body of vital nutrients and as a result you will probably binge on those chips you have been craving for weeks, instead of having a normal portion size and eating in moderation.

3. Drink more water.

Ok, so this is probably something you see on every weight loss column. We all know we need to drink more water. But you need to actually do it! I carry around my 24oz water bottle with me everywhere! I highly recommend getting any large size bottle to encourage you to drink more. Add a little lemon or fruit if you want to!

4. Don’t weigh yourself every day.

Many people are slaves to the scale. While weighing yourself sometimes is perfectly fine, doing it every day can really affect your mental health. Weight can fluctuate all the time for many reasons. For example, if you ate a lot of salt the day before, your body could be holding onto more water than usual.

Another factor is fluctuating hormone levels, which can spike your weight by several pounds during certain times of the month (for females). Furthermore, sleep and stress levels can influence what the scale says. And also don't forget that just because you gained numbers on the scale, doesn't mean you gained fat.

It could be muscle! For more accurate ways to track your progress, use measuring tapes and take progress photos.

5. Stay body positive!

This is a hard one. With social media and the current obsessions with "fit girls," it can be taxing on self-esteem. Young women are expected to be skinny, but have huge boobs and butts. We are expected to be fit, but not too muscular. Working the glutes is great, but big having biceps isn't cute.

While some people naturally have this "ideal" shape, most of us don't. In reality, a lot of images we see online are altered and/or the person has had plastic surgery done. During your weight loss journey, it is so important to love yourself from start to finish.

Not everyone is physically capable of looking a certain way, so having confidence in yourself will make your journey so much better. Embrace the body that you have, because it is the only one you will be given.

Related Content

Facebook Comments