I will never get to post where I work on my Facebook account. I will never get to have cute hashtags and publicly share the date of my wedding. I didn't send out graduation announcements or post about my upcoming graduation on social media because it was an open ceremony.
I will never get to have a normal life. Because they might show up. I will never tell where I am because I'm safer and happier when I don't, but I still get a little sad about it. I'm sad that I can't share my job success online because I'm constantly afraid that my former abuser will hunt me down. I'm sad that I couldn't announce my graduation because that would give family members who harmed me the ability to show up. I even got sad that the only family at my graduation was my mom and my step dad, though I wouldn't have changed it with the way things are in my life.
I wish that I could have the luxury of a wedding hashtag when I reach that place in my life. That I could share my victories as they are happening, and not need to wait until they are over to talk about them. It's horrible that I have to think about posting someone to stand guard at my wedding to keep the blood relatives that would harm me away. No one should ever have to carry this burden of hiding their life.
But this is the life I was given and this is the burden I bear. I know I'm not the only one out that there that has experienced this. I'm not the only person sad they have to hold everything so close. I know there are others with abusive ex-lovers and abusive parents and family members who are constantly hiding from those people just to live a happy life.
So if you are in this situation, if you are dealing with this too, just know you are not alone. That you deserve to be happy in your victories, even though the waves of sadness can hit in the middle of them sometimes. Be strong, as strong as you have been through everything, and embrace the victories. You did make it, and you will continue to make it. Don't let the social media driven world invade your happiness. And most importantly: you've got this!
