In The Midst Of Grief, Choose Rest
Start writing a post
Friendships

In The Midst Of Grief, Choose Rest

Self preservation does not always require large strides.

124
In The Midst Of Grief, Choose Rest

On September 18, 2018, I drove home to my father's house to discover what everyone fears they someday might. I immediately fell to the floor and called emergency services. To the dismay of many, my father had completed his journey with us after suffering a heart attack the previous day.

What transpired within me next, though, would shape my life more than the actual passing of my father.

I jumped into action and started on phone calls and paperwork rigorously. As the most recent caretaker to my father, I wouldn't rest until all loose ends were tied. It felt natural, particularly after the bond we had made in the past year of my care-taking.

But it was more than natural in these moments. It was necessary. Failure to settle family business simply wasn't an option. I had quickly modified my heart and mind into machines that would get work done, and as efficiently as possible. It quickly became obvious that my method of grieving was to keep my brain and body busy. I wouldn't have to absorb the reality of what happened if I didn't give it time to settle.

But while I held my head high and dedicated my energy to the business of my father's passing, I had begun to neglect the responsibilities that were present before this tragedy.

Homework was going on three weeks late, and I had missed a handful of tests at school. I had been working through nights and was now a host to permanent dark circles under my eyes. I quit writing and fluctuated between periods of not eating and periods of stress eating. But it wouldn't be for another two months until it all caught up to me. I burnt out like a match in a monsoon and went from only being able to complete specific tasks extremely well, to being unable to complete anything at all.

All of this, because I never gave myself the time to grieve and work through my natural emotions. I never let myself truly say goodbye to my father, and I never let my head slow down from the usual pace and role of caretaker that I had worked at for so long. In the end, the damage was worse than it ever had to be. I now had not only lost my father, but I was also at an unhealthy weight, sleep deprived, and had nearly failed the fall semester.

People grieve in different ways. Some shut down and isolate, other people become more elevated and anxious. Some people simply carry and don't acknowledge the tragedy. Other people, like myself, make themselves too busy to feel and process emotion. We can't stop or change how these people grieve. But what we can do for others, and ourselves help to remain accountable when we go down negative and spiraling ways of life. It's okay to feel and it's important to be cognizant that everything you feel won't always be good. It's something that we already know in our minds, but often lose track of - including myself.

What helped me get through more than anything, even in the face of complete turmoil and disaster, was knowing and being assured that I wasn't alone. My support system, comprised of friends, family, and other loved ones, all stepped in to help let me rest and grieve and catch up to everything I avoided but needed to feel and hear. From books to pep talks, to company and presence, I was given materials and outlets that aided me, and are still aiding me today, in becoming my normal self.

Remember that in time of grief, you are never by yourself. In times of anxiety, depression, and catastrophe, you are not alone.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

A Conversation About Sex

"Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature." - Marilyn Monroe

1034
Thinking Beyond Barriers

There it is. Even though I'm not around you, I can feel it. Was there a flutter of embarrassment in your mind when you saw the word sex in this article’s title? Did you look over your shoulder to ensure nobody was around before you began to read this?

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

13 Signs You Are A True Cancer Of The Zodiac

Calling all babies born June 21st - July 22nd!

1537
My Astral Life

I'm the first to admit that I am one of THOSE people who uses their zodiac sign as a description of themselves. I realize not everyone believes in astrology-related anything, and there are plenty of people who don't fit their signs. However, I'm one of the people who truly fits their sign to a tee. I'm a Cancer, a Crab, a Moon Child. It's currently our season fellow Crabs! So without further ado, here are all of the signs that you're a Cancer.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Blessing of Lacking Sex Appeal

To all the fellow non "it" girls out there

2944
kozepsuli.hu

Lacking sex appeal is not a desirable thing. It makes you fee not ugly, but wrong. Not having charisma is not a life goal. It doesn't make you fee friendless, but isolated. Not being the "it" girl happens, and tonight (and every nigh prior to this)

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

It is truly the worst place to be

5893
Confessions From the Single Friend of the Group

Look. If you are anything like me, complaining about being single is such a hard thing to because you are genuinely happy for your friends, but as they continue to be happy in their relationships, the ever crushing weight of being the single friends can become overwhelming. For context, my primary friend group consists of four people. We are all roommates and it is a great time here. All three of my roommates have boyfriends/girlfriends, which makes our friend group of four quickly jump to seven, and it is wonderful! I love my roommates so much and I love their S.O's, but no matter how much I love them I always get extremely jealous and sad. The sad thing is that the only part that ever truly ends up bugging me is that since I am single, they are my go-to top priorities and it has been really hard to watch myself slip from the top of their go-to's to not being their go to when they feel the weight of the world. What makes it harder is that expressing that I feel alone and unwanted makes me sound jealous and like I don't want my friends to hangout with their people. I get it. I do. But there are just days I want to be someone's first pick and I'm not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Aretha Franklin Will Forever Be A Detroit Legend, I'm Proud To Share A Hometown With Her

Aretha Franklin lost her battle to pancreatic cancer, so we stop to reflect on her powerful journey.

7250
Aretha Franklin Will Forever Be A Detroit Legend, I'm Proud To Share A Hometown With Her

Recently, Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, passed away. Ms. Franklin grew up singing in her church's choir in Detroit. Over the years, she decided to make singing a career, first signing to Columbia Records at 18. Years later, she signed with Atlantic Records where her most powerful tunes, such as "Respect," are remembered to this day. Her breathtaking vocals earned her 18 Grammy Awards and made her one of the best-selling artists of all time.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments