Haven’t we all been there? Awkwardly staring at your roommate while she sobs uncontrollably about the next biggest problem? Or maybe it’s that random person in your biology class who starts weeping because the final is ten pages long (me)? It’s happened to all of us.
Don't want deal with that puddle of tears? Fear not! There are solutions to preventing these uncomfortable situations. And as we all know, prevention is much less (mentally) taxing than dealing with the damage afterwards (tissues everywhere and your roommate dying while comforting herself with the warmth of your thigh fat). So, how can we end this colossal problem before you are affected?
Do…
1. Open a textbook.
No, you don’t have to actually do homework—it’s more of a protective shield. But if you’re going to get value out of that $100 lab theory manual, it’s going to be now.
2. Wear headphones and play white noise.
This is crucial when the problem in question is blowing their nose to attract your attention.
3. Begin obsessively looking at your phone and/or computer.
You will seem highly involved and unapproachable. Show no weakness, or they will pounce.
4. Pretend to be asleep.
Even when they shake you, they will not be able to break your resolve of not talking to them.
5. Start crying louder.
This is a more unorthodox method and should only be used as a last resort. By crying louder, you will have asserted dominance as the one that needs more help, thereby negating the problems of the original crying person (OCP, as they say in the medical community).
Don’t…
1. Make eye contact at all costs.
If you fail this, the game is over.
2. Offer your tissue box.
They will stare at you while they pick it up.
3. Be their friend.
In this scenario, they are your enemy. If you cannot avoid them, you will need to either attack or run.
4. Turn around when they poke you.
They will keep trying, and you will keep pretending to be asleep while watching Netflix and your phone simultaneously.
5. Smile.
As is key to many things in life, not smiling is perfect for closing oneself off and re-enforcing the closed doors policy. Super effective on strangers, perhaps not as effective on your roommate, who may also suffer from Resting Bitch Face and can see through yours.
NOTE: The most important thing is that this is the survival of the fittest. If you do not adapt to your situation, you will be forced to stay up all night while feeding the OCP strawberry cheesecake ice cream in between nose blows.
Dealing with crying people? Not even once.