Relationships are a beautiful thing. I really think they are. You begin to talk to someone and you decide you like each other so much that you want to exclusively be with that person for a long time. You get to know each other, and you make each other feel special. This person adores you, and you adore them. You experience new things together, you go on adventures together, you get through hard times together and you live life together.
And then it ends, and you can't picture your life without him/her.
Lets face it, only about 5% of high school relationships last, and college is the leading cause of why they don't. It's a part of growing up, and finding out what you really want.
As you could probably tell, I recently went through a breakup. After a little more than eight months, we decided it was time to go our separate ways. We did everything right, something that a lot of couples don't get the chance to do. We talked it through in person and we realized we were staying together for the wrong reasons, Some of our obstacles included that we lived far away from each other and only one of us has a car, how he was working 40+ hours a week and I was working on getting a second job and that I am now focussing more on my music. We talked about how we are in different stages of our lives, a college freshman and a high school senior, and we ended what was a beautiful relationship. We held hands through it all, hugged and kissed each other goodbye, and went our separate ways.
I was distraught. My emotions turned into streams of tears, endlessly falling down my face, and I didn't know what to do. And then I realized a few different things about the grieving process. First of all, it is ok to cry.
I also realized that people have their own break up food, and ice cream seems to be the cure for many, but not me. My go to food was, oddly enough, beef jerky and yellow gatorade in a twist cap bottle. I have weaned myself off of the beef jerky, but you'll still catch me with a yellow gatorade twist cap bottle in my hands.
But, the most important thing I realized about a breakup, and many other obstacles you may face, is that you can let it consume you or you can use your emotions to motivate you, and both are ok.
Knowing me, you and me both would have thought that I'd let it consume me, but I didn't. From the point we broke up, to the forty-five minute drive back to my house, to two hours after getting home, I cried. I cried so much and so dramatically that I threw up. After that I decided to put his sweatshirt down, put sneakers on and go outside. Once I got outside, I ran. I ran really fast for as long as I could handle. I forgot for awhile and I let myself be one with nature.
When I got home, my mom and I went to go get her car serviced. After that we stopped at CVS where I found my beef jerky and yellow Gatorade. I put my phone away for the night, watched TV in the living room, cried some more and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up at midnight I went upstairs, checked my phone, and he texted me to check if I was ok. From then on I knew we were going to be ok, and that I was going to get better.
He's starting college, I'm starting senior year, I am focussing on my music, he is working the 40+ hours he needs to, I got my second job and we still talk almost every day. I didn't lose my connection with him, and we are great friends. I know that he will always be there if I need him and vice versa, and we still care about each other very much. I feel very lucky to have been with him for as long as I had been. We both have big and bright futures ahead of us, and it was time to take them on alone.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry sometimes, and I still have some of his things in my room, not in their original spots anymore, but still there. I cried every day for a week whether it was a few tears in my friends car or me sobbing alone in my dark room while watching Gilmore Girls.
Handling my breakup in this way has taught me many things about myself that I didn't know I was capable of. I showed myself the strength, confidence and independence that I possess, and I recognized my own self worth. Running and working have helped keep me busy and distract me, but now when I think about him or look at old pictures, I just think about all of the good times we had and how much he helped me grow and learn as a person. For that, and him, I am eternally grateful.
