I have always been a huge advocate for the idea of “only you can make you happy." Earlier this week, I told one of my best friends that it didn’t matter what other people said -- it only matters what YOU say. It is something that I advocate for strongly. I have tried for years to get it through different people’s thick heads. I have said it over and over again; I have said it in different ways to different people in different situations. But I have never fully practiced it myself.
I have always let the happiness of other people come before the happiness of myself. I would do things that I didn’t want to do because I knew it made someone else happy. I would work extra hours of work because it made someone else happy when the only thing I wanted to do was go out and enjoy my own city. I would let a boy determine what I thought I was worth because it made him happy. I would not tell people how I felt because I didn’t want to upset them.
But recently I decided to stop disrespecting myself and practice what I preach. As I danced around my kitchen to “If I Loved You” by Delta Rae, I thought about what the lyrics were saying. I thought about how the girl in the song knew the boy loved her, but also knew that she did not love him and although it would make him happy for her to love him she just couldn’t do it. Then I thought to myself, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" The only reason I could give myself was because it makes someone else happy. But why should someone else’s happiness matter more than my own? Why should I let someone else determine how I feel about myself or how much sleep I get or what I do with my free time? The answer it plain and simple: I shouldn’t.
I decided to take a step back and re-evaluate. I decided that the happiness I create should be happiness for me, and if that makes other people happy, then those are the people who matter. If the guy you like can’t respect you like you deserve, then he doesn’t deserve you. I decided that I am now an all-or-nothing girl. I am amazing and incredible, and I have so much to offer. If you can’t see that, then to Hell with you, because I am not changing.
I decided that staying true to me is more important that creating others' happiness and disrespecting myself. I am powerful and strong and I do not deserve to be disrespected by you or by myself. I finally decided to take my words and put them into practice in my own life. I decided to stop disrespecting myself, start making myself happy and listen to my heart and what I have to say.
