Sometimes people are like, "you wouldn't be so sad if you just thought happy thoughts!" And sometimes, trust me, I wish I could just easily change my thoughts. I can't control where my thoughts go: so here's a day with Eileen and her thoughts.
23:35- I just feel incredibly worthless. I took a nap like I usually do, but I'm extremely tired and it's not even midnight yet. Also, I don't know why I keep reminiscing because God knows that never is a good idea and I just end up in tears. I feel like nothing I do is good enough, especially not for myself. Hamilton won't go to stop crying and I don't know why he is and we're both helpless. I'm going to try to go to sleep, even if it means crying myself to sleep.
01:12- I'm so alone? I hate feelings. I hate feeling this way. But it's okay. Eliza flies in on Saturday morning and she won't be able to get rid of me for the weekend. Also, I really miss my pink hair. I should dye my hair again. Pinterest always has the best ideas. Maybe I shouldn't dye my hair. It won't match the outfit I'm wearing to the wedding on Saturday...eh..bump it.
08:00- Oh my god. Why am I awake right now? It's too early. I guess my body's used to it. Maybe I should go use the bathroom. But my bed is so warm. Today's gonna be a good day! I hate feeling this way but today is gonna be a good day! I'm so tired though...maybe if I just keep my one eye closed I can just... fall...back...asleep...
11:54- Oh yikes. I have so many messages. I should not have woken up and started conversations and just passed out. My bad y'all. I think that I'm gonna do my hair tonight. Yup. I'm definitely gonna do my hair tonight. Ena said I should do blue...I think I'm gonna go with an aqua. I'M SO EXCITED.
16:14- MICHELE AND I ARE GONNA GO TO THE STORE SOON AND I'M GONNA DYE MY HAIR. I just cannot wait! Mom's probably gonna say something along the lines of, "Eileen you're gonna go bald" and my reply will just be the shruggy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I'm so excited! Also, I just bought my girls things for RYLA and I'm so excited for that too! I'm almost done with summer classes!! I'm doing so well in both of my classes and this is gonna help my GPA so much.
23:06- Welp. My hair is teal. This is for sure an interesting color. Do I love it? Not sure yet. I was thinking earlier while I was dying my hair, that I usually do my hair when I'm not feeling too great but at the same time...I do get bored of it. Also, no one really cares about what I'm writing about when it's just my thoughts.
They weren't even that bad today, which I mean is good for me-- but kinda boring to read. But then again, people don't worry about me. I'm so excited to see my sister tomorrow!!!!!! Also, why do I have such a large forehead? Oh goodness..is this hair gonna match the outfit I have planned for the wedding? Ugh. I don't know. Life is confusing sometimes. I overthink everything too much.