I'm chronically sick. No matter how hard I try not to be, I really can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't dealing with some ongoing problem. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease when I was in high school, however there seems to be no break when it comes to new problems. I'm basically a walking episode of "House." The troubling part? There are little to no answers much of the time and a lot of it comes down to mind over matter and "pushing through" as my parents often encourage.
Whether it be weekly, biweekly or monthly doctor visits or even at times Emergency Room visits multiple times in a week, it truly feels never ending. People like to make fun, calling the ER my "home away from home," but what they don't realize is just how frustrating it is for me to deal with along with everyone else my chronic problems impact. Maybe they think I enjoy feeling sick and off on a regular basis, but does anyone actually enjoy that? So this is for all the people who don't understand (which is most everyone), and also to try and shed light on what it's like to live day to day not understanding why you're body is always fighting itself.
9:00AM I wake up exhausted even though I've been asleep for 10 hours. I think I'll go back to bed. Why does it always feel like I'm carrying an extra thousand pound weight when I wake up? Why am I always so tired?
11:30AM "Gabby, you should really get up now." I'm still so tired, but I guess I should face the day. Why am I in pain again? I'm hungry and nauseas at the same time. Does that even make sense?
12:30PM The pain in my stomach is really bad. Maybe cereal was a bad idea. I should drink more water, I know this, but water makes me so nauseas. Who am I kidding; everything makes me nauseas.
1:00PM Should I take a nap? I'm so tired and I know I have work tonight. I have to go, can't call in. If I nap and drink water maybe it will get better. Maybe the pain will go away.
6:00PM I have to eat dinner now. Eating will only make it worse and not eating isn't an option. This really sucks.
7:30PM I guess I'll try to hang out with friends. After all, I should probably try to be active. Who knows, maybe it will help. I'm skeptical.
11:00PM I need to go home. This isn't fun when you're trying not to think about your array of "symptoms" the entire time. I know my friends understand, but a big part of me wishes they didn't have to, that there was nothing to understand.
2:30AM I'm having shooting pains. What do I do? Advil doesn't help. Heat? Ice? Crying?! Should I go to the ER? I wish someone would tell me the right answer.
10:00AM Today it'll be a better day. I hope at least.
