Having friends is one of the greatest things about being human. Unlike being in a family or a marriage, you have the ability from day-to-day to choose with whom you interact. However, it can be easy to drift into friendships without thought. Maybe we live on the same hall, study in the same spaces, or eat at the same time. The easiest friendship to make is the one in which you run into each other a daily basis. But is that really the way friendship works best?
From my experience, I would say no. Something that will change, at least every school year, is the shared space. We cannot count on someone else’s life continuing to overlap with our own. At some point, we will have to start initiating to stay in touch with those friends. Otherwise, we will end up falling into new friendships repeatedly with no concrete purpose in the forging of those relationships. For these reasons, I come to my conclusion, which is as follows: we need to date our friends.
When you go on dates, you do it to get to know someone. Sure, they may be funny, kind, and attractive on the outside. Dates, however, give you the opportunity to get to know someone’s opinions, quirks, temperament- the list goes on. I think that the effort put into finding the right friends should be equal to, if not greater than, the effort put into finding a match.
Why do I say this? For starters, you can find a friend faster than finding a significant other. Besides that, you can have multiple friends as opposed to having one boyfriend or girlfriend. Now that I’ve explained why you should care about the friends you make, let’s talk about dating them.
The first step in dating is choosing the person. This step alone communicates to a person that they are interesting enough for you to have thought of them. Well, that is if you actually ask him or her to hang out. I say this because often the next step is the hardest since we’re all a bit insecure. Once you find your potential friend, you ask her if she wants to meet up. This step gives a lot of clarity because it is where friendships either progress or break off. Either she evades opportunities to get to know you, or she decides to try out a friendship with you, too. Intentionally pursuing a friendship, rather than limiting yourself to the friends you cross paths with most often, allows you to forge friendship more effectively.
If you decide not to pursue that friendship, then do not pursue it. Just as dating isn't a commitment to an ongoing relationship, neither is hanging out with a potential friend. On the flip side, you shouldn’t text or hang out with someone because you are bored or lonely. Doing this is like continuing to go on dates with someone, even though you can’t see yourself pursuing a relationship with them.
Overall, dating your friends is much more time efficient than falling into friendship with whomever you see most often. You respect the other person’s time and yours by being intentional about how you use it. Most importantly, you learn about the types of friendships you want to pursue throughout your life. So, what are you waiting for? Go date around and make some friends.
