I know you like his face. I know you like his style. I know you like his quirks. The way he gets so excited and passionate whenever he talks about his interests. You like everything about him...
From his feigned confidence to the sparkle in his eye when he talks about his passion. Yet, why do you not realize this sparkle is not for you, and you do not share this same sparkle when he rambles on and on, and you get lost further and further in history, which you could care less about. His topics are boring, his demeanor is cruel, and his insensitivity to your feelings burns. But, you keep chasing and chasing blinded by the hope that he will notice you taking interest in his passions.
Little do you know, his eyes are transfixed only to look straight instead of at you. You show interest, and he shows interest in his own love. Again, his sparkle is not for you, reserved for someone he thinks can match in his intellect.
You accept him for who and how he is. But, you can't love yourself, can you? If you love yourself 100%, then you could see he's only cared about you 60% or even less, couldn't you? If he loved you 110%, then finally could you see what you deserve? Although we accept the love we believe we deserve, don't settle for something less that won't make you whole.
You don't go when I call you. You don't leave his room and leave him in your heart. He's stuck there like a blockage slowly killing you and causing heartache. You don't leave even if it's for me. You only come only if it's him.
Know that he is not the perfect one for you even remotely. No matter what you believe at this moment. And, no. Just because he talks about more intellectual topics does not mean he's smarter than you. You just have different interests... too much to be looking down on yourself for not understanding his passions. You are settling for him, and he doesn't understand your interests. He doesn't even make the effort. It's frustrating that you don't even hear me when I'm screaming in frustration: GET OUT. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care. Not in that way at least. Not the way you want him the most.
And, all I can wish and help you with is finding love inside yourself. I hope you love yourself in the future as much as I love you. Because although I can't stop you from hurting yourself through infatuation, I want you to reach a point where you love yourself enough to realize your mentality is wrong. This love is wrong. Love is not like this. And, self-love comes first above all else.
I'm not here to tell you what to do or force you to change because that doesn't change anyone's mind. But, when you finally realize you're enough and it's him that doesn't see that, know that I'll still be here to pick you up and support you. I've been here all along and that won't ever change. Never.
