Being in a relationship with someone in the military is really hard. You will go through so many ups and downs as you deal with distance, missed phone calls, plans gone awry and moments where you will be crying because it is so hard and you miss him or her so much. It is not for everyone and that is OK. But if you're thinking about it or even curious as to what it is like here is a small glimpse. It is not the full picture and there are plenty of good and bad things things about being with someone in the military. These are just a small part of the realities and difficulties that we the girlfriends, fiances, and wives face.
Never in a million years did I think I would end up with someone in the military. I had moved all around in my life and I heard so many stories about military relationships, it just was not something I wanted. Fast forward to when I was 17 and I met a man named Brandon. A man who would become the love of my life, a Marine.
Being in a relationship with someone in general is difficult, but being in a relationship with someone in the military is even harder. Even though he was stationed in Georgia, when we met, we still were not always able to see each other. Our first date without a chaperone took a month for it to happen. He worked 24/7 always on call even on his days off, but we made it work. I know. "If you guys hardly saw each other how could you have a relationship?" That is the question we the military girlfriends, fiances and wives have been asked and have to ask ourselves. The answer can and is different for everyone. For me, the answer was that I was not going to let our relationship be defined by seeing each other all the time.
I did not let my feelings weaken or let our relationship stop because of the distance. Sure it sucked and I missed him every time he had to go, but I grew to love him and know him through every text and call. And most of all I began to treasure every moment I did have with him. He became worth it in the end.
We faced a lot of challenges during that time. I ended up having to move back to California and he was still stationed in Georgia. We had to learn how to adjust with the time changes and not get frustrated when one of us was not able to talk. Soon he was relocated to Hawaii and now he was two to three hours behind me instead of ahead of me. That was even harder, the hardest has been his deployment, but that is a different story. When I moved and he was relocated it messed up a lot of plans we had, but it was something we should have expected.
Plans don’t always go through when it comes to the military. Our dates and plans have been cut short, pushed back, or did not even happen. It is hard to not get frustrated when that happens, but I had to remind myself it is part of his job and not to take it out on him. I had to ask if these plans were any more important than just being with him. I eventually learned that not having plans is perfectly OK and can sometimes lead to an even better day. That is not to say you do not plan in the relationship. Make plans, but be realistic when it comes to them can they happen with someone in the military? Can they be pushed back? And then ask if these plans can be compromised.
I had a plan for my future. I was going to marry a guy, we were going to move to a cold place where we would spend the rest of our lives, and all of our kids would be adopted. Well I found those plans all about to be changed when Brandon told me he had plans to marry me. Luckily, I had enough time to think about it before he asked me and we had time to talk about it.
And we did talk about our plans for the future, locations cannot be guaranteed when he is in the military, but afterwards it can be. He wants to have at least one kid of his own, but he is okay with adoption. He will do the laundry and I will do the dishes. We talked about how we would raise our kids and what the rules of the house would be.
We talked about everything and anything about our future. And when the day came that he finally asked me to marry him I said yes.
When I was younger I swore to myself I would never end up with someone in the military. Well fast forward to now and safe to say I broke that promise. I am now engaged to a man in the military and I definitely would not have it any other way. He is worth the moving, the distance, the plans gone awry, and any of the other difficulties in between. I still have fears and worries, but I know that even with the current distance between us we will face them together and that makes all of this worth it.
