What To Do When Your Significant Other Is Depressed
Swoon

Dating Someone With Depression Is HARD, And Leaving Them For Your Own Mental Health Is Not Selfish

You have to take care of yourself first.

179

Even now it's hard to write, I hope my words don't offend anyone, as all I want to share is my experience as someone who dated an individual with depression and how the act of ending that relationship affected me as a person.

Being in a relationship is hard in general. It's work, commitment and requires communication from both ends but sometimes depression complicates that process whereas one of us is not communicating well.

Not understanding each other, in general, could lead to a lot of problems whether or not your significant other is struggling with a mental illness. It causes fights that lead to blaming. Next thing you know, you're in a toxic cycle you call your relationship.

It took me a while to overcome "blame" I didn't understand what he was going through and didn't know how to handle our relationship. I used to say things like "he was never open to me" but now I know that wasn't the case.

However, because he was struggling, I was as well.

I was struggling to understand what was going on. What was I doing wrong? Why I couldn't help or "fix" the situation? I ended up feeling hopeless, not enough and just sad all the time because no matter how many times I try to help, reach out or just try to "be there" nothing improved.

By staying with him, I ended up dragging myself down into a mental struggle.

I decided to end the relationship and I felt immensely guilty.

I felt guilty because I was walking away from someone who clearly needed my help. Someone who was struggling. Someone who needed me to be there. I felt guilty because I was selfish and I decided to take care of myself before others.

My mother would say "if you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of others?" This can be interpreted many ways but I knew what she meant at the time. I needed to move on and take care of my own mental health. Although the situation at hand was hard to end, it needed to happen.

I was blamed for leaving, blamed for the downfall of the relationship, blamed for looking for my own happiness, and blamed for moving on. I continued to struggle because of that. As I grew older, I realized now that my actions were never wrong, and I shouldn't have been blamed for leaving a relationship that made me feel like, excuse my French, absolute shit.

I had to make a tough decision for myself and I applaud those who are strong enough to stay, I wasn't.

He has a great support system and that gave me comfort. It allowed me to free myself from the responsibility of taking care of someone else. I was a lot younger than I am now and was not ready to sacrifice and commit to a situation that serious. I didn't even know who I was and what I wanted at the time and that played a huge role in my decisions.

I can't ask anyone of this but if you are in a relationship and your significant other is struggling with mental health try to understand them as best as you can but if you are struggling as well, it's ok to end it and take care of yourself first, that should be everyone's priority.

I wasn't properly trained to take care of an individual with depression. I didn't know how to handle the situation and in all honesty, I think that was dangerous for both of us.

Report this Content

For a long time, Goya has been a staple in some Latino households. People carry around jars of Adobo when they eat at friend's houses and packets of Sazón Goya can be found in almost everyone's pantry. Many BuzzFeed lists, videos, and memes aimed at Latinos reference Goya somewhere.

But in a year that just keeps hitting us with bad news, Goya Foods CEO Robert Unanue said that Trump was an "incredible builder" and that the US was "blessed" to have him as president at a White House event on Thursday.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

How To Dress Like Your Favorite 'Insecure' Characters — Without Spending $2,000

We take a look at the fashion of Insecure season 4, and how you can create these looks yourself.

HBO

Insecure is one fo my favorite shows ever. It really encapsulates what it's like being a Black 20-something, trying to navigate the many ups and downs of life. Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany are living their best lives in California while dealing with the twists and turns that come with that.

From life to relationships to careers, this show truly captures everything that runs through my mind on a daily basis. The show has a sense of realness and a strong frankness that makes you gravitate toward the characters and root for their success.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Making A Food Instagram Was The Greatest Silver Lining To Come Out Of My COVID-19 Experience

With the crazy and scary times that 2020 has brought, find comfort in the one thing everyone loves: food.

The waiter briskly moves towards us and stops just a foot away table, balancing the black serving tray stacked high with the ceramic plates that make-up our dinner. From memorization, he beings gently, but purposely, sliding everyone's orders in front of them and within seconds I'm am starring my meal.

Keep Reading... Show less

Honey has been a staple in my Ayurvedic skincare routine since I was a kid and my grandmother used to make me homemade paste-like face masks by mixing chickpea flour, turmeric, honey, and yogurt together.

I now use honey head to toe — on my hair to make it extra shiny, on my face for its natural smoothing and anti-bacterial properties, and the rest of my body for its extreme textural and brightening benefits. Some people even use it on their armpits for honey's lightening effect on the skin.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

People Are Eating Salads For Breakfast, And It's About Time

As Americans we know we all need to eat more fruits and veggies, why not do it at breakfast?

I first started seeing a dietitian in late 2017. At the time, I was the heaviest I've ever been at about 210 lbs. At the first appointment, my dietitian asked me to record what I ate in a food diary so she could better understand my habits and give me better direction in changing my lifestyle. I did exactly that and returned a week later, diary in hand. After a cursory glance at the pages, she first remarked at how few fruits and vegetables I ate. Deep down I had already known that, but what I didn't know then was that I was far from being alone in that respect. According to a Times article, about 90 percent of Americans don't consume enough fruits and vegetables to meet current dietary guidelines. It's hardly rocket science as to why that is — many of our diets consist mainly of carbs and non-planted based protein. This isn't to say that carbs and protein are the devils; they're both parts of a balanced diet. However, vegetables and fruit are also part of a balanced diet — a part that often gets neglected. So, when I see people on Instagram eating salad for breakfast, I think to myself "It's about time!"

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Founders Of Color Q&A: Yarlap's MaryEllen Reider On Destigmatizing Women's Health

The father-daughter duo co-founded the brand and has since generated a passionate, dedicated community of women.

MaryEllen Reider

I was lucky enough to meet MaryEllen Reider over a decade ago as a fellow freshman in college. Since then, I had the luxury of being able to witness her evolution from the faithful companion I went to my first job fair with to the woman who is now a pioneer in destigmatizing the portrayal of women's reproductive health.

Keep Reading... Show less

My favorite Editor was feeling under the weather yesterday. All I wanted was to make her a vegan iced matcha latte. With distance forbidding it, I instead decided to write up this quick, easy recipe. I made it to be vegan and organic for optimal health benefits.

Matcha green tea is made from grounded green tea leaf and it comes with the most antioxidant boost ever.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments