I am alive, friends! Back from my hiatus and here to have a little convo with y'all. Let's talk about ... you guessed it... romantic relationships.
Unpopular Opinion: Dating should NOT be casual.
I know that seems rigid and "traditional" but you know I have [good] reasons. I'm 22, and I'll be 23 this June - I'm young. But, upon my 22nd birthday I decided I won't casually date anymore. I find it to be silly considering the cultural shift right now, and for some reason "talking" is a thing. I guess I just wanted to minimize the bullshit (ladies, take heed!)
To me, every man starts off as just someone I know. We can grow into friends. There's no such thing as the friend zone by the way but that's another convo. So, I found it much easier to just get to know guys in a pressure-free environment, then if we have a bond that's more than platonic...we "date". I prefer the term "court" (or courting).
Courting usually isn't casual, and it's a traditional-ish thing.
Courting is a heteronormative and gender specific type of thing and I like it. You don't have to agree or take part in that same activity and I don't judge, but I just wanted to clear up that I am fine with gender roles. That too is another conversation.
It's easier in my opinion to simply get to know people as friends THEN make the mutual move to become a couple because:
- you should be friends anyway
- you can still form an intimate bond as a "friend"
- people tend to avoid talking about expectations, so being friends first eliminates the pressure and you'll actually learn them anyway from being around
- lines are less blurred
- you can avoid a SITUATIONSHIP
By focusing on building quality friendships, you're building a strong foundation
for a potential romantic relationship. The best part is that if you see something you don't like in a person you never have to break up! You're just friends! You don't have to cut the friendship off just because you wouldn't want to date that person. If you both have a stronger interest, you start dating and it feels natural. There's no question of desire because you took your time - you're friends.
Casual dating is cool, but it can get awkward if you define it in that in-between space of friends and "lovers" then find something you don't like. If you jump into [causally] dating someone and find things you can't stand, you may have to end the romantic interest AND the friendship. That's shitty.
Hey, I know it's difficult staying friends with someone you're into; it's human. It can be hard watching a friend be interested in someone else but it does happen. Plus, sometimes we shouldn't have everything we want. Not to mention getting played is LAME!
LISTEN. We've all been there. You're "talking" to a guy or girl and there's this odd dynamic of "you're mine but we're still single but I don't want you to talk to anyone else". Waste of all my damn time. If you feel that strongly, then make the move. It's so silly to go down that route and it's rooted in fear: fear of picking the wrong person, fear of getting hurt, fear of missing out. All of those fears are irrational, honestly. If you're one of those people who hook people in situation-ships...get a whole grip boo. Don't waste peoples' time and drag them along because of your insecurities. Pls. Life happens and you can't avoid pain completely.
If you're okay with the limbo, the gray area, the confusion, then by all means go ahead. But, casually dating to me can be so messy - in my experience.
But that's just me. I don't think it should be as casual as we make it. It should be a conscious decision and effort. You agree?
